Long ago and far away … I had a visitation by a wild boar.
Now who on earth makes goofy statements like that? Seriously? Sometimes I think I am the strangest person I know.
Anyway back to my tale . . .
Once upon a time back when I was first “waking up” from my slumber of forgetting who I really am, I took an extremely esoteric* class called Women’s Wisdom. During one of the weekend workshops we did a guided meditation** where you meet your “totem animal”*** for each of your main energy centers (chakras****).
We were at the part of the meditation for the heart chakra and I saw myself standing in a beautiful meadow full of daisy’s and all of a sudden appearing in the meadow with me was this wild boar. It was very angry. It snorted and began to charge at me.
I found the whole thing truly odd. Especially since all the other “totem animals” had been such sweet creatures – like the orca (largest dolphin) for my 2nd chakra.
And instead of getting upset and feeling afraid I just stood there looking at it – refusing to be intimidated by it’s very aggressive and rude behavior. It was highly offended by that too!
Anyway, after the “vision” part of the meditation was over, I received the insight about what it meant: “No matter how they are acting, all they want is love. Just like everyone else.”
That bit of wisdom is as true today as it was back in 1996 when I first saw the wild boar.
People behave oddly. They mistreat others. They sabotage their own happiness. They do a million wrong things. But in the end, everyone wants to be loved, accepted, and appreciated.
Remembering that helps me have more compassion for others – particularly when they are behaving in a way that is unkind.
Most people just don’t know how to go about getting what it is that they want. And they don’t know how to give that to others either.
And on top of that, there are the 3 deepest human fears we all have to contend with:
– fear of rejection
– fear of abandonment
– fear of unworthiness
We all experience some level of these. Usually one is stronger than the others.
Yet at certain times or in certain situations, another one will dominate.
My primary fear has always been unworthiness.
Being reprimanded endlessly as a child and feeling like no matter how well I did, it wasn’t good enough, only helped make that one more pronounced.
When I tell people I’m an only child, they immediately respond with “spoiled.” And I just look at them thinking – “You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Try living under a microscope because there are no other kids to pay attention to and see how spoiled you feel.”
It has its up side though – I tend to excel at most things I do. I tenaciously go after what I want with a great deal of drive and determination. I did very well in school. I was the best dancer in my dance academy. I was President of the Institute of Industrial Engineers student chapter at Virginia Tech. It had 300 members. Yikes! That got me over my fear of public speaking. Another Plus!
I got a great job right out of college. I was selected to be part of a new plant start up when piles of other people from my company were clamoring for the position. I tied for best teacher / presenter when we ran all the people at the new plant through an intense training program. I won a Managers Award for Excellence for managing a multimillion dollar project and the resulting product being so good that it became the company standard worldwide.
Well isn’t that all peachy and aren’t I so grand?
Most of the time during the achievement of all that, I was so stressed out fearing that it was all going to go wrong, that I never enjoyed any of it. And in the end, I felt like a failure around most of those things. I should have done it this way or better or something.
The darn “shoulds” will kill you. Thank heavens I’ve moved beyond needing to do things to gain the approval of someone else and I’ve put most of the “shoulds” behind me.
Why am I telling you all this?
Because I’ve learned ways to get over it. And most people are still way too hard on themselves.
They spend so much time comparing who they are, how they look, what they’ve accomplished, how much money they have, even what their kids are doing, with others, that they don’t enjoy and appreciate their life.
And they fail to realize that the people they are comparing themselves with are as afraid and have as many flaws as they do.
We all have flaws. All of us. And we are all beautiful and magnificent in our own way. We all make mistakes. We all have weaknesses.
We all have strengths too.
I’ll never forget seeing an interview with Janet Jackson after she was given a 10 million dollar contract for something. It was a big deal back at the time – especially since she was a woman. Anyway, she basically said that even with all that she still didn’t feel like she was good enough.
Fear of being unworthy, undeserving, not enough.
You have to love and appreciate who you are before anyone else can.
You are the most amazing creature. There is only one of you in the entire Universe. You are fabulous.
So when you mess up – learn to laugh at yourself – or at least don’t be so hard on yourself.
When you observe yourself behaving strangely – getting upset or angry or afraid – over something silly, be more gentle with yourself and just realize its one of your beautiful little quirks. And then try to make it right with those around you affected by your odd behavior.
You are doing the best you can with what you’ve got. In the future, as you learn and grow, you may do things differently. But how you are right now is just fine.
And you are considered precious and are absolutely and unconditionally loved by God (by whatever name you choose to call the Divine Presence) just as you are.
Have a fantastic day,
P.S. “Life is a magnificent adventure … remember to enjoy the ride!” ~ Debbie Takara Shelor
* esoteric – “hidden” teachings or “mysteries” known only by a few who are enlightened or initiated
** guided meditations – gentle music is playing to calm your mind while a person speaks softly describing various scenes that you visualize in your mind with your eyes closed
*** totem animal – from native or earth-based spiritual traditions, an animal whose energy and qualities are there as your ally much as an angel or archangel would be.
**** chakras – the word comes from the vedic tradition and means wheel. Since the energy centers spin – which can be seen by some, felt by others and measured with a pendulum, wheel is appropriate. There are energy centers all over the body, but there are 7 primary ones. How “open” they are, the direction of the spin, and the magnitude of the spin, directly affects not only the functioning of the body, but certain aspects of life – money, relationships, etc. These same energy centers are addressed in healing all over the world. They are just most widely known by the term “chakra”.
You are an inspiration! I love the new wordpress look! Would you be willing to share some of your new plugins?
Thanks for visiting and I love the new look too! Like all things, my websites evolve over time. I shared a few plugins in our group on Facebook.
In your next career, you should write childrens books. Love your story telling, patience to get to the meaning of the wild boar. Used your new plugins, twitter & pinterest. Neat. You are 1 smart lady. Oh- want another career idea- teach what you’ve learned.
Hi Roz – thanks for visiting. Love all the great career advice and I do teach what I’ve learned. It’s my main job. I teach though books, articles, consulting, and in seminars and webinars.
Gaining confidence in yourself and believing is what matters. Thank you for this post Debbie, I’m truly inspired!
Hi Nate – thanks for stopping by. Confidence makes a great deal of difference in a person’s happiness and success. You are very welcome!
I agree. So many of us have been taught that we need to be better than we are. We lack acceptance of ourselves and others. We all gave the same basic needs, if we could just learn to give and receive this world would be a much better place.
I totally agree Meryl. So many people can’t appreciate themselves or others. Giving and receiving are definitely powerful things that would make a world of difference!
Thanks, Debbie, for sharing your very inspiring post!
Thanks for stopping by Lorii. You are very welcome!
Great story and lessons for us all to learn, Takara. Once we learn to honour and accept ourselves for who and what we are, the stress of trying to please others and be better or different, no longer permeates our lives. I’m hopeful there are new movements for women, and men, showing the importance of being authentic in their lives. Some of the larger consumer brands are seeing this trend and incorporating it into their message. There is always hope. 🙂
I’m confident that there will always be teachers, mentors, and motivational/spiritual training available when someone is ready to go beyond their fears. Its what I’m here to offer and I know I’ve had great teachers and they had great teachers on up the line. Thanks for stopping by Beverley.
Lovely post, Takara. I believe we must have confidence in ourselves and that way, it makes life much more pleasing and to others around us as well! 😉 You are truly an inspiration. Thank you!
Thank you Takara for sharing this very inspiring story of yours! My main fear is rejection and lacking in confidence in myself. I have always struggled with these all my life. I have always been teased about my weight through out my life but I have a husband that loves me very much for who I am and I am very thankful. My husband tells me all the time I am to hard on myself. I work hard around our home and with our business that I am trying to get off the ground. But to me I need to work harder. I just feel it’s never good enough. I know that I need to except who I am but it’s hard. Takara your a very inspiring lady!
As someone who has battled the “unworthiness/not good enough” natter for so very long, this one strikes home so beautifully. Learning to love ourselves is what gives us the freedom to see others in a whole new way. What a wonderful lesson the wild board shared
Laugh lots, Love more!
MamaRed – you are certainly not alone. As I mentioned in the article, some of the core human fears are being unworthy, unlovable, not good enough, being abandoned, etc. Growing and evolving involves addressing those and healing that emotional insecurity once and for all. Thanks for stopping by!
Would of, should of, could of…. we do beat ourselves up because of how we feel we might have performed better. This article reminds me of a misbehaving child. Really all they are really wanting is a show of love from their parents. I’ve seen it time and time again.
Takara – I love this post. You have captured the core issues that affect all of us and you help us to re-frame it. The feeling of not being good enough and not feeling worthy is so hard for us to acknowledge and you do such a wonderful way of helping us think about it.
Reminds me of a great ole song … All We Need Is Love!