Find Your Tribe … It’s So Important!
“I’ll be offline for a few days … getting my Faerie on, hanging with zany brainiacs, enjoying the creative wizardry of cosplay and sci-fi/fantasy related gizmos and gadgets, seeing many dear friends and making some new ones.”
I posted those words on Facebook, which then led to the thought that created this article …
When I speak and have booths at New Age & holistic expos, I always look around at the other vendors and people walking the aisles and smile because I know, “these are my people” – meaning this is my tribe, people who are into similar things, and I enJOY being in their presence.
When I attend sci-fi fantasy cons, I also know that “these are my people” because I so completely fit in there too.
When I lead or attend women’s business networking meetings all dressed to impress I look around and know, “these are my people” because that is a place I completely understand and enJOY as well.
When I’m out in nature sitting next to a stream with birds flying overhead, squirrels, fox and other creatures milling about, and trees smiling down at me I know that “these are my people.”
And of course, when I’m at the beach and dolphins swim past, I always smile (often with a tear in my eye) feeling complete bliss knowing that “these are my people.”
The deeper your wisdom, the broader your interests, the more places you feel “at home” and like you belong there. Certain cities, states, and countries resonate with me more than others. Certain bends in a river, mountain peaks, and people speak to my soul as others simply cannot.
Never settle for friends or lovers who mistreat you, belittle or put you down, cause chaos, confusion, or self-doubt. If you don’t feel that anyone truly understands you, then you haven’t gone to the “right” places or done the “right” things ... yet.
How to Find Like-Minded Friends
Take a class, go to meetups, or travel to conventions. If things like that make you nervous, then invite someone else that you know to do it with you.
I’ll tell you a little secret, I’ve made more friends going alone than I have going with others. I strike up conversations … it’s so easy. Sitting next to someone waiting for a lecture or meeting or event to start, I turn to them and say, “Where are you from?” And after that, I ask, “What do you do?” Is it so easy. Somewhere along the way, I ask their name and if they have a business card. I always jot down notes about people on the back … to jog my memory later.
Often when I’m attending a workshop and there is a lunch break, I look around the room for someone else there alone (who doesn’t seem creepy) and go over and ask if they would like to join me for lunch. Usually, they are highly surprised and often deeply grateful. So we chat over lunch. I was at a 3-day retreat in San Francisco a few years ago and ate lunch with different people all 3 days. The restaurant at the hotel was not that big, so I didn’t just grab 1 person, I grabbed 3 to fill up a table for 4. So in the course of 3 days, I had great in-depth conversations with 9 new people and several others in the room. Some of them are still friends on Facebook and we’ve had some fairly deep conversations about things that matter … to me anyway.
Sometimes the universe throws you together. I was at Yogaville at a retreat with my dear friends Jonathan and Andi Goldman. Yogaville has lots of different lodging options. I sometimes go for the shared room. Wow have I met interesting people doing that. Anyway, the first year I went, the lady assigned to share a room with me was named Mary. We instantly “clicked” into friendship. She is also an engineer with a huge interest in all things spiritual. She was attending the same workshop all weekend. We talked as we went back and forth from the room to the classroom. We hung out at lunch together. We’ve remained friends ever since.
My soul-family, what I call my “inner circle,” is scattered all over the world. I met each of them in some unique way and none of it was sitting on the couch watching television. O.K. that’s not exactly true, since one of them did actually show up at my house and become my dearest friend in the world. I’ll get to how that happened in a moment.
I’ve spent over 20 years meditating daily, dowsing, spending LOTS of time in nature, and doing other things that have helped me fine-tune my intuition. So I rarely just go to something. I am usually inspired from within to show up.
That’s not always the case, though. I was starting a business partnership with a friend a really long time ago and she insisted that I attend this business entrepreneur training in L.A. I met a lot of wonderful people there and several are still very dear friends. So that suggestion came from someone else. That’s not the only time a friend’s suggestion had me take a class or go to something where I met wonderful people.
Sometimes I go to things because I’m interested in a topic. Sometimes it’s because I felt “inspired” to go as I’ve mentioned. In the various places I’ve lived, many of the friendships I’ve developed were with other homeschool parents. Some of those I feel closest to were part of the homeschool co-op in Santa Fe that we created together. I still see them when I visit and talk to them on the phone, social media, and by email when I’m not there.
When I graduated from Virginia Tech with a degree in Industrial Engineering, I swore I’d never take another test as long as I live. So far, I’ve lived up to that promise. I have, however, taken many classes in many different things. A few include: taxes for entrepreneurs, image consulting (even advanced image consulting), interior design, public speaking, pottery (OMG how I love that), web design, design of experiments and advanced quality control (in my engineering days, I even taught this stuff), and more recently watercolor. I even had a $2,000 advanced course in Kaizen.
Because of my interest in energy healing and all things metaphysical, I’ve taken classes, done workshops, and attended retreats in everything from an 8-day spiritual (metaphysical) warrior training with Stuart Wilde in the mountains of New Mexico to numerology, Reiki, Chi Kung, TM, yoga, silent retreats, Feng Shui, numerous energy healing modalities, the Silva Method, the Alivening weekend (rebirthing), aromatherapy for holistic nurse practitioners, color healing, crystal healing, and LOTS and lots of shamanic training. There are many other topics.
Here’s the thing, though … I’m not a social butterfly. I’m not one of those people who simply must be out and about mingling with crowds to feel energized. Those people are called extroverts. I’m not one of them. I spend a great deal of time home alone in front of my computer. When I want to energize, I spend time in nature, read, or stream movies or tv.
My friend Misty is a social butterfly. She’s in many networking groups and has even started up her own. She never met a stranger and she meets new people all the time. Her smile is infectious and she is a joy to be around. I love going to things with Misty because she already knows practically everyone in the room.
What I do have a passion for is new input. I like meeting new people, going new places, and doing new things. I like exploring my world and I’m comfortable doing so.
I teach people how to consciously manifest the reality they desire. In fact, my Magnificent U Manifesting Course about that is one of my absolute best. When I sat down to record the videos, so much information “came through” that it’s MUCH more than a class on manifestation. Anyway, I’m clear about the things I want in life and dear friends is one of them.
I came up with an affirmation probably 20 years ago that said something like, “I have interesting, zany, uplifting, successful, fun friends all over the world who are making a positive difference.” If you met the cast of characters that I call friend, you would say I have been wildly successful in manifesting just that. They live in different countries, some are ultra-wealthy while others barely scrape by financially. Some you would consider “earth mamas” and others wear suits and ties. From a helicopter repair guy who lives in New Zealand to several friends who take people to swim with wild dolphins for a living, I’m deeply blessed to know these magnificent people and have the great honor of being their friend.
It didn’t happen because I wished for it to happen. Yes, I got clear about what I wanted. But I also took action. I showed up. I spoke to a stranger. I went to a new place. I did a new thing. And at first, that was a bit uncomfortable. But the payoff is often so big that there is no way I would let fear get in the way.
If you want to be, have, or experience something you don’t already have … then, as I always say, “You have to get comfortable being uncomfortable.” You have to stretch, grow, and become more than you are today.
P.S. So how did I meet my friend Millie? Well … she was sitting in a chair having her hair cut one day and suddenly distinctly heard the words, “you need a shaman.” She asked the beautician if she knew how to find one. The hair stylist said she thought there was one in Nambe and somehow got her our number. We used to have a spiritual retreat in Nambe, NM and did medicine wheel, sweat lodge, and other sacred ceremonies, workshops, drumming circles, and other events there. So Millie literally showed up at my door and we’ve been best friends ever since.
P.S.S. To get your copy of my ecourse on Manifesting, visit this link.
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