It’s so important to create a healthy environment in which a child can thrive, be healthy, and smarter. The same is true of creating a healthy environment for yourself, your spouse and other loved ones, your co-workers, employees, and other people in your life.
I homeschooled my child all 12 years and am quite the advocate for health, safety, and education for women and children.
If you are not aware, research has now proven (and it makes logical sense) … spanking is harmful (sometimes severely) to a child’s development. You can view this article for more info. about how it negatively impacts IQ and other developmental factors.
Most people haven’t even really thought about the negative effects of spanking … they blindly do what was done to them back through antiquity. It takes a certain level of consciousness, of wisdom, and compassion to even consider questioning the norm.
Sadly, today’s education system and most religions teach people not to question anything. You are fed a bunch of “facts” and are expected to believe them as truth and regurgitate them back without question. Otherwise, you are reprimanded (in some cases beaten) or you get a bad grade. Either way, thinking for yourself, asking questions, questioning the logic and truth about the “facts” is considered blasphemy.
Based on this conditioning, most people don’t look at anything rationally. They lack the skills for critical thinking. Some of us have, thankfully, broken free and can think for ourselves. Having a degree in some form of science is very helpful. Experiencing a spiritual awakening and/or being a long-term meditator helps a person see everything from a new, wiser, higher, deeper perspective. What is obvious to those of us who are critical thinkers, is not even noticed or questioned by the masses.
To those people who have attained a certain level of consciousness as well as have empathy and compassion, it’s really obvious that to raise a healthy, happy, child with everything they need to be successful in the world (as they define success of course – not our definition as the parent), children (and adults) need to feel safe and to know that they are loved, honored, accepted, appreciated, and acknowledged for who they are as an individual. Quite a tall task … but definitely worth it.
One of the things I often discuss in my teachings is creating the “right” environment.
In the “right” environment, a person thrives. In the “wrong” environment, they can easily develop self-doubt, fear, depression, illness, etc. etc. A child needs to be planted (born into) and nurtured in the right environment.
When someone is being constantly criticized, belittled, put down, made wrong … particularly with that being reinforced by the physical abuse of spanking or domestic violence … that is the extreme opposite of the “right” environment.
I believe in being the best you can be at everything you decide to do. Parenting is no exception to that.
Being a good parent doesn’t just mean doing whatever you learned from your own parents. And, as I’ve said before, this doesn’t just apply to parent-child relationships. This applies to all relationships.
It means realizing that each child is unique and the way to create the “right” environment may be different for each child. Some children (and employees) need to be allowed to do things their way. Give them the end goal and a tiny bit of instruction (and supervisory safety oversight depending on their age and experience with whatever they are doing) and some kids will be off creating, figuring things out, etc. etc. Others want (and need) clear step by step instruction and direction. I believe that has to do with where they fall in the D.I.S.C. scale. Some people see the big picture. Others all the minute details. Some are spontaneous. Others need a plan. Some are introverted. Others are extroverted. Some love to be very very social. Others need their alone time to think, inner reflect, imagine.
Not getting what they need actually causes them stress. For some, the stress can be quite severe.
Realizing that everyone isn’t just like you are and may have completely different needs than you do is the first step in being a great parent, a great partner, a great leader or boss.
To raise healthy happy children and/or to be a better boss, spouse, friend, my greatest advice is to become what I call the Noble C’s: calm, clear, confident, and Divinely connected. When you operate from that “place,” the insights and inspirations you receive directly, intuitively, guide you in ways that are remarkable. And they help you become a better parent, nudge you with things to show your children, say to your employee or spouse, do as you go about your day. Instead of guessing about the right course of action in each moment, you simply know. With that knowing comes much more ease, grace, and flow to everything.
Many blessings to healthy, happy families,
My latest ecourse to help you achieve those Noble C’s is now available. It’s called the Dancing Dolphin Way. Going through the teaching and the transformational meditational exercises helps you move beyond the past, heal the inner wounding that causes you to behave irrationally and immaturely in relationships, to jump to conclusions about why people say and do things and what those words and actions mean, to be more concerned with self and less conscientious than you could (or probably should) be about how your words and actions negatively impact others. There are so many ways in which becoming whole and healed improve your life. Being a better parent is just one.
I’ve never been to a holiday gathering with family or friends where there was anything but harmony for the holidays … ever … my entire life. I’m talking about never witnessing first hand a family gathering full of discord. It doesn’t matter if it was with immediate or extended family, the family of a boyfriend, fiance, or husband, or a gathering in my own home of friends who didn’t all know one another before the gathering … harmony and delight at being in one another’s presence has always been pervasive at these events.
It begins within.
And it begins with the parents. If the parents love, honor, accept, and appreciate themselves, they also love, honor, accept, and appreciate their own parents, their siblings, their children, etc.
Each child needs to be taught to love, honor, accept, and appreciate themselves and then to extend that to others as well.
The result of such loving and honoring is harmony within all the relationships.
I can’t even imagine doing life any other way.
Does that mean I’ve never encountered disharmony?
I went from being highly popular and enjoying so many delightful friends in schools both in New Jersey and Texas … to being severely bullied, rejected, and having only a few friends in a small town in Virginia. High school was hell … there’s no other more pleasant way to put it. The bullying was so bad that for at least a year or more I came home and cried every single day. I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong, why I didn’t fit in, why people didn’t like me. I was in such foreign territory.
I’d also never been anywhere that people pretended to like you to your face and then talked badly about you behind your back. Being an empath, you can pick up on the incongruence immediately. You can literally “feel” when someone doesn’t like you. Trust me, it doesn’t feel good.
Once I was no longer in high school (being forced to be around people who didn’t like me and, therefore, whom I didn’t like in return) I began to thrive. I quickly developed a network of friends at work and at college. I began taking a leadership role in professional organizations and that has continued to this day. I am deeply deeply blessed to have so many friends.
But that didn’t happen by accident or because I’m more special than anyone else. It happened because I got very clear that I wanted a wonderful group of friends. You might have seen other articles where I talk about the affirmations I used to say about friendship. It goes something like this, “I want interesting, fun, uplifting friends all over the world who are making a positive difference.” And now, after many years of “receiving” teachings that have helped me formulate my own teachings, I would add: “We each love, honor, accept, and appreciate one another and are deLighted to be in one another’s presence and feel blessed to have each other in our lives.”
I highly recommend you do something similar when it comes to all your relationships … romance, friendships, business partnerships, with co-workers, committee members, and everything else you participate in. Intend harmony. Intend peace. Intend cooperation, admiration, appreciation, acknowledgement, friendship, and yes, even love (not the romantic kind, the Divine unconditional kind).
When people seek my advice about romance, I help them get crystal clear about what they are looking for in both a partner and in the relationship itself. I help them form a picture in their own mind and words to describe exactly what they are seeking. And I often suggest that they add something about it being a “mutual admiration society” where you each feel truly blessed to have the other in your life. The best relationships involve partners who continue to feel that way over time. I’m not talking about living with rosy colored glasses, not seeing the truth or flaws in the other. I’m talking about seeing them even more clearly than most and loving, honoring, accepting, and appreciating them for exactly who they are … warts and all. Both partners have to feel that way though. Honesty and integrity are key.
But just like developing harmony around the table at the holidays, you have to love yourself first. You have to see your value, your gifts, your unique magnificent glorious self with all its fabulous talents and all its spectacular flaws and love yourself, appreciate yourself, be OK with yourself when you screw up, and delight in yourself when you succeed regardless. You aren’t perfect. You are human. It just comes with the territory.
The more you learn to love, honor, accept, and appreciate you, the easier it is to do the same for others … and the more often others offer the same to you.
Back to harmony at the holidays ….
You can intend a different outcome within your home, around the table, watching the game or whatever rituals your family follows when they gather. Before people arrive you can set your intention (not being attached to it going that way) for harmony, love, happiness, laughter, joy, and fun – or whatever joyful things you wish to experience for yourself and those you love enough to invite into your home.Harmony 4 the Holidays - Before people arrive you can set your intention for harmony, love, happiness, laughter, joy, and fun - or whatever joyful things you wish to experience for yourself and those you love. Click To Tweet
Fear screws it all up of course. If you are afraid that there will be disharmony … guess what will happen?
You already know the answer.
You get more of what you focus on … so you must divert your attention AWAY from the things you do not want and TOWARD the things you do.
- Focus on peace and feel it throughout your body and your home.
- Focus on love and feel it throughout your body and your home.
- Focus on harmony and feel it throughout your body and your home.
- Focus on joy and feel it throughout your body and your home.
- Focus on compassion and feel it throughout your body and your home.
- Focus on deep, meaningful, conversations and feel it throughout your body and your home.
- You get the idea … decide what you want to experience and imagine it real.
- Tip – It is a lot easier to feel something if you close your eyes.
Bring In Harmony for the Holidays
Imagine a giant bubble of light surrounding the table where you will eat and calling in your Higher Self and Guides asking that the bubble of light be infused with love, joy, laughter, delight, companionship, harmony, peace, etc. etc.
See a similar bubble around your entire home and again ask your support team to infuse it with harmony, peace, joy, and love. Add the other words that have great meaning to you and that you wish to have in your home.
See a giant block of violet flame or light (like the purple image above only less dense) over a foot thick in front of your entire front door – or whatever door people enter. Everyone who enters will be cleansed of any icky sticky disharmonious, noxious, disempowering, or negative energy as they enter. It’s like taking a beautiful violet light bath. It brightens the mood and feels totally glorious.
Tip – you don’t have to wait for the holidays to do these things. You can do it anytime you desire.
I recommend you energetically clear and infuse your conscious intention into your home, your vehicle, and other places you frequently visit. And I suggest that you do it often. To learn extraordinarily effective clearing and infusing techniques (much more powerful than simple intention), take my online dowsing course or my new Dancing Dolphin Way of Healing and Enlightenment training once I get the sales page up.
Have a delightful day today and every day,
Every time you go somewhere new, you become a new person … with a new perspective, new experiences, and new insights. The more you travel and experience new things, the easier it becomes to appreciate cultural diversity, and to transform your life.
Tears started streaming down my face as I read the article and watched the video mentioned below about cultural diversity in the classroom.
Experiencing and appreciating cultural diversity is one of many reasons I love to travel. This is why I love moving to different locations, meeting new people and surrounding myself, enveloping myself, in the different energies of ethnicity, of belief, of tradition and history, of the colors and texture of diversity, in order to understand the beautiful tapestry of humanity and truly KNOW and become ONE with it.
Enjoying the Company of Others
As a young child, my father sometimes traveled with business, and on occasion, my mom and I would come along. We once spent a week in Birmingham, Alabama and every day when the housekeepers (all African American women) were finished cleaning the rooms, they sat in a circle of chairs at the end of our hall, told stories, and laughed. I begged my mom to let me join them. They said they didn’t mind. Every day I sat with them and listened to their stories and laughed too. I have no idea what they thought of the skinny little blonde girl from Texas.
As we studied history in school and I read about the atrocities inflicted on the Native Americans, the African Americans, the Chinese and so many of the other cultures by the white people, I would weep, not being able to understand how anyone could mistreat another.
A White Chic (chick) Living in a Non-White World
It was so odd at first to be living as a minority, a white woman in a sea of beautiful brown skin, dark eyes and hair, of the Native American, Spanish, and Mexican cultures of New Mexico. At 5’4″, I was actually rather tall for a female. It was there that I was so blessed …
Parenting isn’t easy. Homeschool parenting is even more of a challenge when the goal is to develop successful open-minded children and adults.
As a homeschool parent, I definitely take the “parent” thing much more seriously than some. I took the school’s responsibility completely out of the equation. It was both a terrifying and deeply humbling decision … Read more
Thomas Moore said, “What if schools saw the care of children’s souls as their primary mission, coloring all ‘educational’ activities?”
What a powerful thought!
Studies show kids go in to first grade with high self esteem. By the time they graduate high school, self confidence has plummeted. From that jumping off point they are supposed to go to college or off into a workplace and thrive. Some do. For many others though, life continues as a serious struggle.
Much of my work is helping people regain confidence, courage, and clarity after having been battered around by life’s various circumstances. Things would be so much easier for everyone concerned if the esteem piece was already intact as they face these challenges.
But when a person living in doubt and low self w0rth is hit over the head by what I call “the metaphysical 2×4 up side the head,” (cancer, unfaithful spouse, death of a loved one, job loss, etc.), the dark night of the soul that ensues is horrific.
Self esteem is something it takes years to repair. If people were HAALTMed (honored, accepted, appreciated, and loved – my words for how to treat someone properly) at home, school, and everywhere else …
WOW this would be a very different world.
If you truly live by the Golden Rule, that is how you treat everyone.
No one said stepping into Magnificence, becoming personally empowered, and evolving spiritually was easy.
But oh is it worth it!
Have a Magnificent Day!
If you enJOYed this article, read more about the Golden Rule, found in all the world’s major religions, here: https://www.magnificentu.com/living-by-the-golden-rule/
For a deeper look at it from an esoteric spiritual perspective: https://www.magnificentu.com/learning-to-ride-the-waves-of-life/
For an even deeper dive into self esteem from a far greater mystical perspective: https://www.magnificentu.com/beloved-by-debbie-takara-shelor/
Texting + Driving = Stupid
Every now and then the safety-conscious engineer in me looks at a situation and just thinks, “something about this needs to change.” Texting and driving is one of those situations …
My son recently got his learner’s permit and has started learning to drive.
It was cause to reflect on how things have changed so drastically since I was learning to drive some 30+ years ago.
There are a lot more cars on the road for one thing.
There are more traffic lights, more roads have been built, and a great deal more traffic on all the roads we travel.
And then there is texting drivers.
I was behind a car the other day where the driver was texting. It was a very busy road, full of cars and stop lights, and she kept weaving from being off near the shoulder to crossing the middle line into the lane of oncoming traffic. I pulled up beside her at a stoplight and got to see first hand that it was indeed texting causing all the problem with her driving ability. That driver is a disaster waiting to happen.
She is just one example of a prolific problem facing all drivers on the roadways now – other drivers who are spending more time looking at their phones, than they are on the road or in their mirrors.
It used to be that there were only a few times a day that you had to be extra cautious because something unexpected might happen.
If you live in or near rural areas, then you know that you have to watch out for deer and other wildlife trying to cross the road right around twilight.
Late at night, especially on weekends, it has always been a good idea to be on extra high alert for anyone that appears to be drinking and driving.
The rest of the time, you could proceed by being alert, slowing down around corners, being watchful as you pop over a hill or go around a blind corner that you may need to brake if something unusual is happening on the road up ahead.
But now with drivers on the road who are texting, you have to be hyper-vigilant every moment of every day because so many others are not paying attention.
I believe that no-one should ever text and drive. Either pull over to text or don’t text at all.
There is another alternative, however, and that is to use a smartphone app that lets you speak to text.
For iPhone, the app is called Siri.
For Android, there are many choices. I use Skyvi.
Anyone with a smartphone knows you can add apps.
Learning to use this one is very important. With that in mind, I’ve included these videos on how to use Siri and Skyvi.
Lives depend on safe, focused drivers who are paying attention.
Do your part when you are on the road and PLEASE teach your kids how important this is as well!
Here is a thorny subject – for some a subject so taboo they won’t even talk about it – on the “rightness” or “wrongness” of genital mutilation. We scream and say “you are such bad people” when we read about how it is done to women across the globe. Yet here in the U.S. and other Western nations, it happens every single day to baby boys.
A judge ordered a child’s Guardian to circumcise a 4 year old boy. You can read more about that here.
I personally believe that the human body was created in perfection – at least as we have evolved thus far. The systems and features are of a good design and when the body is born without defects and is fed “good” food, pure water, the body gets plenty of rest, sun light, and exercise, it is a magnificent biological machine that operates amazingly well.
My mom used to say whenever I asked for pierced ears, “If God wanted holes in your head, he would have put them there.” There were a lot of rules like that at my house. So I moved out the day after I graduated high school and had my ears pierced that evening. LOL.
I believe that if the male body was not supposed to have foreskin, it wouldn’t.
Your response might be, “Yes, but in the bible it says, … “
Well there’s the rub. Either you believe that Divine Creator (God by whatever name) knows what its doing or you don’t.
There are tons of good reasons NOT to mutilate the genitals of young boys that include both psychological well being as well as body functionality. Complications from this surgery does cause death and permanent health issues for some patients every year. Here are just a few: http://www.intactamerica.org/resources/decision.
The only reason to circumcise is fear of displeasing an angry judgmental God and to conform to society’s expectation that you appease this angry judgmental God. Yet the bible also says God is love.
I personally don’t worship an angry judgmental God that forces you to abuse your children.
But hey, that’s just me.
*Child image used with permission from his mother.
When ever I see or hear someone spanking their child, I cringe.
I parent by intuition, never use corporal punishment, and so far my kid has turned out great.
Continued use of corporal punishment left me feeling like I was a bad person and no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough, that I wasn’t good enough. Its been a giant weight around the neck causing self-doubt, poor self-esteem, and a need to succeed motivated by terror of failure and punishment rather than the shear pleasure of accomplishment.
It took years to climb out of that hole. But based on my background, I could never do that to another human being and it pains me to watch others do it. Because there are sensitive souls like myself that it does more long-term harm to than good.
There are lots of ways to motivate kids that don’t involve physical abuse.
Find the thing they love the most and take it away or threaten to and actually do it if they continue the behavior.
You have to be consistent in the result of an action. If you let something slide sometimes and not others, then the kid has no clear boundaries about what is, and is not, O.K.
You have to start young teaching manners, the golden rule, helping out, being kind, doing no harm, never telling a lie, that their body is a temple and you have to take care of it, etc. By the time they get older, those things are already well established.
And, when you homeschool, the kid gets to pursue their passions, learning and experiencing the things that drive their curiosity and enthusiasm. Because of that, they become motivated to achieve and don’t get in nearly as much trouble as those who are forced to take this class, sit still for how ever long, go places they don’t want to go, etc. When they have more say than that about their life, they rebel less.
Every kid is different of course, and therefore what motivates and creates positive behavior in one person will not work for the next.
You have to really know the kid and what makes them tick.
It’s vastly easier with just one. I really love that thing they said in the Celestine Prophecy about every kid needs one adult’s full-time attention. It doesn’t have to be the same adult all the time.
Just yesterday, one of my good friends who hadn’t seen us in awhile said this about Jess: “He’s the ‘oldest’ 15 year old I’ve ever met.” The things he says and the things he is interested in are very different than the average teen. He has a very diverse group of friends – from edgy heavy-metal loving kids to serious physics nerds and a little bit of everything in between.
One of the best ways to “fix” behavior is to change the diet. Good food tends to create good people. Sugar and food allergies affect the emotions sometimes in drastic ways.
Life is never black and white. It is usually infinite shades of gray. If the current correction method isn’t working, then its time to try something else and perhaps get some advice from other parents or experts in the field.
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