- Do you seek approval from outside yourself?
- Do you get angry or upset over people or situations without consideration of the other people involved and their potential point of view?
- Do you say, or not say, things from fear of rejection or in trying to “fit in” or be accepted?
- Do you get angry or hurt if you help someone and they don’t seem to appreciate it?
- Do you still blame someone or some situation from your past for doing you wrong?
- Do you insist on doing everything yourself?
- Are you sad, angry, or frustrated because your dreams have not been achieved?
- Do you try to “fix” people’s lives?
- Do you find yourself saying, “They should ______” – setting yourself as judge over what others should or should not do?
- Do you beat yourself up with guilt, shame, blame, and victimhood – thinking you should do this or you should do that or this should not have happened?
- Do you allow situations outside your control to affect your emotions?
- Do you stay in situations or with people that cause you to question and doubt your value, your worthiness, or your skills?
- Do you avoid people and situations because you lack the courage to gently speak your truth?
- Do you consider yourself better than others?
- Do you want someone to heal or fix you and your problems?
- Are you kind?
- Do you help others without need or desire for appreciation or acknowledgment?
- Do you take actions or say words because you “know” it is what you are to do? – Even if it is highly uncomfortable to do so?
- Do you ever take risks – going places, meeting people, trying new things – because your intuition insists?
- Do you graciously end relationships that are disempowering to you?
- Do you take in each new situation you find yourself in without emotion and respond to it from heart knowing?
- Do you have the courage to walk away from situations or people that cause you to question and doubt your value, your worthiness, or your skills?
- Do you love, honor, accept, and appreciate others?
- Do you love, honor, accept, and appreciate yourself?
- Do you allow others to experience the life they have created for themselves without interference or judgment?
- Are you able to enjoy great relationships even with people with a vastly different belief system or point of view?
- Do you quickly admit your mistakes and apologize when your actions negatively affect others?
- Do you treat everyone equally?
- Do you routinely experience flashes of inspiration or miraculous synchronicity?
- Do you treat animals, plants, and insects with honor and respect?
- Are you able to manifest your goals, dreams, and desires?
- Do you enjoy your life journey as much as the destination you have been seeking?
- Do you seek assistance when you have exhausted all your own knowledge and skills in dealing with an issue or growing and evolving?
(c) Diane MickelsonBlaming sets up a situation in which it becomes difficult to move forward and puts resolution in the hands of others…. As we finally start understanding that the world outside of us is a reflection of the world inside of us, we finally begin to understand why we may feel confused about who is to blame for the problems in our lives. If we had a difficult childhood . . . we may wonder how we can take responsibility for that? In our current relationships, the same questions arise…. We all know that blaming others is the opposite of taking responsibility, but we may not understand how to take responsibility for things that we don’t truly feel responsible for. We may blame our parents for our low self- esteem, and we may blame our current partner for exacerbating it with their unconscious behavior. This all seems to make sense. After all, it is not our fault if our parents were irresponsible or unkind and we are certainly not to blame for our partner’s bad behavior…. Sooooooo, perhaps the problem lies with the activity of blaming itself. Whether we blame others or blame ourselves, there is something aggressive and unkind about it. It sets up a situation in which iy becomes difficult to move forward under the burdensome feelings of shame and guilt that arise. It also puts the resolution of our pain in the hands of someone other than us. We cannot insist that someone else take responsibility for their actions; only they can make that choice when they are ready. In the meantime, if we want to move forward with our lives instead of waiting around for something that may or may not happen, we begin to see the “smartness” of taking the situation into our own hands. We do this—- be forgiving our parents, even if they have not asked for our forgiveness, so that we can be free…. This does NOT have to be in person or a letter… just forgive them… We end the abusive relationship with our partner, who may never admit to any wrong doing, because we are willing to take responsibility for how we are treated. In short, we love ourselves as we want to be loved and create the life we know we deserve. We leave the resolution of the wrongs omitted against us in the hands of the universe, releasing ourselves to live a life free of blame. So the Blame game is: a person feels guilty or uncomfortable about something. That person finds a rationale why someone else is to blame. That person blames another. This person gains several benefits from this. He/she is excused from what they have done (which means they can do it again). They can play ‘poor me”. They can also claim social capital over the other person because that person will owe them something in return for their apparent failure. This game is driven by our need to explain …. Also the first person gets to play persecutor and gets to have associated pleasant feelings of power…. The Blame games include:
- Look what you made me do…..
- If it wasn’t for you…….
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