Shoulds Destroy Relationships

Shoulds Destroy Relationships

The bloody shoulds destroy relationships and self-esteem.

Blame, shame, victimhood, guilt … often create terrible destruction and rarely anything positive.

Blaming Others

The only way for a person to be happy is to stop blaming others and outside circumstances for their unhappiness. You have to take responsibility for how you react to the words and actions of other people. People’s behavior is one thing. Your reaction to it is all about you and nothing at all to do with them.

If you want a great relationship with someone, you have to create it and make it a priority.

You have to love, honor, accept, and appreciate the other person just the way they are. Of course, they have to do the same for your.

Developing kindness, compassion, caring, and being conscientious of how your words and actions affect others is something you (as in all people) simply have to learn how to do if you ever want great relationships.

The problem for most people is that it is impossible to do those things for another until one learns to do it for themselves – meaning you have to love, honor, accept, and appreciate yourself. You have to see your own brilliance. You also have to see your shortcomings and love yourself anyway.

When you can do that, others will also. That’s just how it works.

It took me years to figure all this out and apply it in my own life by truly learning to love and appreciate myself.

Shoulds Destroy Relationships

Emotional distress happens when you have unrealistic expectations of yourself and others or are attached to how you think you and they “should” be behaving. When they (or you) don’t behave the way you think they “should,” you get upset. It’s human nature. It is also something everyone needs to learn to get over.

When you get angry, upset, or sad because someone didn’t behave the way you think they “should” have, that is a great opportunity to take a long hard look, heal, and release, the underlying cause of your anger or sadness. The current circumstance is simply a mirror showing you something that is still “broken” within. It is never about the other person or situation. It is always about the one reacting.

People have good days and bad days. They are imperfect. Sometimes they are fun and interesting and other times they are grumpy. Sometimes they have energy to do things and other days they can barely get out of bed. That is just the truth.

Some people are night owls while other are morning people. Some people are naturally more kind. Kindness is really important to me.

Think Before You Speak

If someone is mean, calls people names, is constantly judging, complaining about, and criticizing others, I simply refuse to hang out with them. They obviously are not showing honor or respect for those other people.

If the people you tend to hang out with act this way, it’s time for new friends. It’s also time to look in the mirror because people are often drawn to people much like themselves.  You have to learn to think about how it would feel if someone said that to you, before you speak it out loud. Check out this article on Living the Golden Rule – the rule book I follow in life.

If you have done something unkind, then recognize it, forgive yourself first, then apologize, and move on. In the future, think before you speak or act.

Learning and growing is why we are here. We don’t expect a toddler to always be nice or know how to do everything already. Yet we expect ourselves, and others, to do everything perfectly all the time. When in truth, we are all just learning and growing.

This is a little saying I came up with some time ago:
“They are doing the best they can with what they’ve got
Be it what they’ve experienced or what they’ve been taught.”

In every given moment, we are all doing the best we can. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Yes, we could all do better. But because of stress, environment, fears, limiting beliefs, judgments, expectations, attachments to outcomes, shame, blame, victimhood, and guilt, we behave less than best a great deal of the time. We can beat ourselves and others up over this forever. Or we can let it go, forgive, and move on.

We are also greatly influenced by the expectations of others. If someone thinks we always screw up, we tend to screw up. If someone thinks we are brilliant, we tend to be brilliant. How you are viewed in the eyes and unspoken beliefs of those you surround yourself with does have an impact on you – whether beneficial or detrimental.

They did a study a long time ago. I am not remembering all the details, but this was the gist of it: A teacher was given the name of each of her new students for the school year along with their locker number. However the teacher was told that the locker number was the student’s IQ. Whether the teacher openly treated students differently with what she thought was a higher IQ or if she simply had higher expectations of those students with high numbers and lesser expectations of those with low numbers, at the end of the year the student scores matched her expectations. Even for children who usually got A’s, if their number was lower, they got lower grades.

How you believe people are is how they behave in your presence. If you think people are jerks, then you tend to be surrounded by jerks. A lot of it has to do with your own beliefs and expectations. When you change, the experiences you have with others changes as well.

Feed Your Mind the Right Things

We are comprised of 70 to 80% water. The studies by Masaru Emoto showed dramatic shifts in water structure by simply taping different words (written in Japanese Kanje / calligraphy) on a glass of water. http://www.masaru-emoto.net/english/water-crystal.html  Check out the images, they are fascinating.

Hate caused severe distortion. Love caused extraordinarily beautiful and intricate crystalline structure. Music, news, conversation all have a real tangible effect on your body and therefore your mind and emotions. What you feed your mind matters. Who you surround yourself with matters. How you speak to others and how you let them speak to you matters. What you listen to, even your self talk, all makes a huge difference in how well you do in life and your level of happiness and success.

Many success experts say that you are the sum total of the 5 people you spend the most time with. When you are stuck and wanting to change, the first thing to do is change who you hang out with. If you can’t do that physically, then do it through audio, video, and books. I know a very successful woman who used to read the autobiography’s of very famous people and then, in her mind, pretend that those people were sitting around a table talking with her – her own mental board room. She had “gotten into their head” by reading all about them and then started having conversations, asking questions, making decisions as if they were her friends and advisers. The famous book, Think and Grow Rich, would suggest something similar.

I used to listen to audios and read books by my favorite spiritual teacher. On my way to and from work, I listened to his words of wisdom. I read and listened so often that sometimes I would suddenly hear him say a line or two in my head. It was very empowering and eventually helped me find the courage to leave an incredibly stressful career environment and head out into the unknown to find joy, passion, and my true life’s calling.

Now, with the Magnificent U Foundation Course, I’ve created a way for people to take a deep dive into my work, read my words and hear my voice, related to personal and spiritual growth, energy healing, inspiration, new thoughts and perspectives about life, to truly become empowered and find their own courage to become magnificent and have greater relationships and a more meaningful life experience.

If you enjoyed this article, you might also like this one on getting stuck in the negative thinking spin and the others mentioned at the bottom of it. As well as this article about the Golden Rule and education.

May you experience magnificent relationships,
Bestselling author Debbie Takara Shelor signature

10 Great Tips on How to Love, Honor, and Appreciate Everyone!

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It is not always easy to find the “good” in everyone or to genuinely learn to like and appreciate them.

I have a set of beliefs that makes this easier, or at least worth attempting to do. These beliefs or realizations are based on years of study, experience, and what I call “divine revelation (they come to me spontaneously in meditation and at other times when I am quiet and at peace)”:

  1. We are all emanations of the same Divine Source. You can say we are all children of God or spirits inside a body having a human experience or whatever words resonate most with you. The bottom line is, that spark of Divinity inside each of us is worthy of respect.
  2. Regardless of how they are acting, this is a little saying I “received” one day: They are doing the best they can with what they’ve got, whether its what they’ve experienced or what they’ve been taught.
  3. Bullies have typically been bullied. A very famous comment is “Hurt people, hurt people.” Any act of unkindness is typically a sign that the person has been seriously mistreated. I find it easier to feel compassion knowing this.
  4. Our job is to love, honor, accept, and appreciate everyone. There are a multitude of reasons for this. One of those reasons is that if we do that to others, then others will do it to us – the Law of Cause and Effect. Love, honor, acceptance, and appreciation is what everyone is seeking and deserves. Attempting to do that for everyone is my version of following The Golden Rule.
  5. Everything in life happens for a reason. Any discomfort going on in the moment is about learning something about who you are (the shadow self) and the opportunity to heal whatever needs to be healed. It is never about the other person and what they are doing or saying. How are you reacting (and why)? Is it showing you judgments, expectations, “shoulds,” and other things that definitely need to be healed and let go of.
  6. Very similar to the last one … all is as it should be.
  7. Our job is to embrace each moment, not fight against it. I have MANY articles about how to flow with change rather than resist.
  8. Every moment of every day is on purpose. Your soul is here on a spiritual adventure to evolve and grow. Every moment, every encounter, every situation, every person is there because your soul called them there for you to learn something, experience something, etc. Instead of being angry at the person or situation, fighting it, wishing it was different, go deeper and ask “why,” what can I learn, what can I heal, what can I let go of, how is this thought, belief, or judgment holding me back from becoming the person I am intending (on a soul level) to be?
  9. Joy is your natural state of being. Feeling anything less than that is an opportunity to learn and grow. The more out of sorts, angry, sad, riled up over things you are, the more easily something deeply buried is to find, heal, and release.
  10. And finally one of the other sayings I received through divine revelation: You have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

 

In order to step into your true Magnificence, you have to get outside of your comfort zone. It is in those moments of discomfort, when you are feeling stretched, pushed, and uncomfortable, that the greatest positive change is possible.

I would not be a bestselling author if I had not moved beyond my discomfort to take the actions required to do so.

I would not be nearly as healthy, happy, or have such a joy-filled adventurous life if I had not gone WAY outside my comfort zone on numerous occasions to try new things, study new things, look at everything from a completely different perspective, or do and say things that were uncomfortable.

Helping others find peace, joy, and gain a new perspective, even while going through a really rough time, is one of my super powers. I offer private consultations for those needing laser-targeted assistance and wishing to make huge leaps in consciousness and awareness, truly breaking free of blocks and limitations and stepping into their true Magnificence. For those in a leadership role, these breakthroughs allow them to be of even greater service and help even more people in a bigger way.

All of the Dancing Dolphin Sacred Healing Oils & Mists assist in bringing peace and a new perspective as well.

Have a glorious day!

Bestselling author Debbie Takara Shelor signature

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dr. Wayne Dyer
Dr. Wayne Dyer

Dr. Wayne Dyer

Dr. Dyer’s passing brings both sadness and a bit of joy. Sadness that he has left this world and we will no longer have the opportunity to be in his physical presence or read or hear the new words he has to share. On the other hand there is joy in the memories, the blessing of having him with us for awhile, knowing his words and wisdom will continue on through the many books, audios, and videos still available, and the knowing that he continues on into his “next adventure” as he puts it.

He and his wife attended Warriors in the Mist with Stuart Wilde the week before I did. Years later, I was at an event where he was speaking. He told her story and then introduced Immaculée Ilibagiza, who then shared more of her story. His talk was only scheduled to last about an hour and a half. It went on for at least 3 hours and absolutely no-one cared. What he had to say and what she had to say were just extraordinary. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house. She is the author of Left to Tell. His incredible story, A Promise is a Promise, about Kaye O’Bara, still brings tears to my eyes just thinking of it. The fact that all the proceeds from that book went to Kaye to help her care for her daughter shows just how much love and compassion he shared. Both Kaye and her daughter I’m sure are dancing in Heaven now that Wayne is there with them.

For many, death is a very sad and scary thing, something to avoid, fear, and run away from. For others, like myself, it is a natural part of life, just like birth. Dropping the body and returning to Source is a very freeing and joy-filled experience. Some of us have had MANY spontaneous past life memories, we recognize almost instantly the many people we’ve known before, and these experiences remind us that we have always been and will always be. We know that the transition into the afterlife is just that. Much like taking off one coat and putting on another, it is natural, normal, and a part of our spiritual evolution. We will miss Dr. Wayne Dyer in the physical, yet he is still here in memory. His words and even voice are available everywhere for us to enjoy.

We send him off with love,

Bestselling author Debbie Takara Shelor signature

Abusers Are Losers - Get Them Out of Your Life Pronto!

Abusers Are Losers - Get Them Out of Your Life Pronto!

NO amount of abuse, whether it be physical, mental/emotional, or spiritual/energetic, is acceptable. Any time you are not being (feeling) loved, honored, accepted, and/or appreciated for who you are, it is often a sign that abuse of one kind or another is happening.

I’ve been through various forms of abuse myself and thankfully I’ve healed, moved on, and lived to tell the tale. Over the years I’ve also worked with hundreds of clients who were facing similar issues. There is a saying that goes, “Religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell, Spirituality is for people who have already been there.” Many who turn to spirituality, metaphysics, energy healing, alternative/complementary medicine, etc. do it to heal issues that, whether they realize it or not, began because of abuse of one form or another.

I’ve written many articles about who you allow into your inner circle. I can’t stress enough how truly important that is for your health and physical / mental / emotional / and spiritual wellbeing.

Who and what you allow in says to your subconscious mind, the Universe, and those around you what you desire and deserve.

Every time you allow abuse, you are saying: “I deserve that. I am not worthy of being honored, loved, respected, and appreciated. I am not lovable”

Those are horrendous affirmations and they must stop NOW!

Because, Dear One, they are absolute LIES!

You are magnificent!
You are an embodiment of Divinity walking on planet earth!
You deserve everything – to be happy, healthy, and successful as you define success!
You are a precious gift and you deserve all that you desire.

Not sticking up for yourself is also abusive. It’s you abusing yourself, saying you don’t deserve better.

And yet, when you are in it, you feel:

  • stressed,
  • afraid,
  • less than,
  • unworthy, and/or
  • unlovable

No matter how smart, or seemingly successful you are, you often can’t see a way out. Or, as a defense mechanism, you don’t even allow yourself to see or recognize that you are being abused.

Abuse of any kind causes damage not only to self esteem, but also to the energy field (aura) around you. When the energy field is damaged – ripped, shredded or torn – all sorts of icky sticky energy can “get in” and then you have even more disharmonious/noxious stuff to deal with.

If you find yourself in an abusive situation, call on a friend and ask for support from the Universe (God by whatever name), and get out as fast as possible! Find a place to step back into wholeness that is safe.

Most Dancing Dolphin products were designed to assist with putting things back into wholeness, harmony, and alignment energetically. Each one of the sacred healing oils and mists helps to soothe the hurt places, to lift you up energetically so you can see more clearly and heal what needs to be healed and deal with what needs to be dealt with.

The perfect energetic to support anyone facing current or past abuse of any kind is the Dancing Dolphin sacred healing oil of Turquoise. It is nurturing, healing, protective, helps to lift you up into a safe space for healing and transformation. And, like all Dancing Dolphin products, contains Dolphin Healing Energies and other powerful energetics that take you and your spiritual journey to a whole new level.

Dancing Dolphin Turquoise oil is available here.

EnJOY this video where I share with you the reason you find yourself unhappy. I call this the Honeymoon Principle. The video explains what I mean.

 

Learning to Ride the Waves of Life

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Things are moving fast these days. Events are occurring that you never anticipated. Dear friends are suddenly ill or dead. Happy kids are suddenly severely depressed to the point of suicide. You lose your job after 20 years. There is a car wreck here and an accident or illness there. What the heck is happening?

Well, it isn’t just the acceleration of what you might deem “bad.” Everything is accelerating including your ability to heal and your ability to grow personally and expand your consciousness.

Magic is everywhere and it is exhilarating – or it is horrible. And the choice is entirely up to you.

Have you noticed that I keep writing about the options you have about life?

Here are some things that I believe that are in direct contradiction to what most people believe. You can believe what I believe. Or you can believe something else. It doesn’t matter to me. But I know that what I believe works. It allows me to be hopeful. And it allows me to consciously alter my reality at will. O.K. I’m not able to alter ever single little thing I want when I want. But boy am I getting better at it all the time.

So here are some of the things I have grown to understand.

  • There are no victims.
  • There is no-one and nothing outside of you that has a greater influence on your life, your well-being, your level of health or prosperity or happiness, than you yourself – what you believe subconsciously is what makes your life happen the way it does. Of course, there are a few other little nuances that I explain in The Magnificent U Foundation Course, but your subconscious beliefs run the show.
  • God does not play favorites.
  • God is not masculine or feminine. The term God is so misunderstood and so distorted that I don’t even like to use it anymore. I prefer the term Divine Presence.
  • You are a sinner. But the term “sin” means incorrect thinking. What you believe, subconsciously, is not the divine Truth about Creator, about life, about yourself even. I believe everyone on the planet is a sinner – having warped beliefs. All you need to do is recognize your own distortions of the truth and heal them. And there are beings much more evolved than you, including Jesus Christ of the Light, who can be called on to assist you in that process.
  • The Golden Rule works. If you treat others kindly and you consider the possible impact on others when you say, or do, or even think something, then you will be showered with kindness by others. The kindness must be genuine. If you perform acts of kindness in order to satisfy one of your wounds – like the need to be needed for example – then it is NOT a true act of kindness. If you have expectations of how others will treat you if you treat them a particular way, then you are attached to the outcome. So it is NOT a true act of kindness. True acts of kindness can only come from someone who has healed their own wounds. And most people have not. Even popular teachers and channels and counselors must heal themselves first. As one of my early teachers, Stuart Wilde, used to say: “God forbid the healers.” Because you are drawn to what you need most. If you want to be a counselor or healer, then you need a great deal of counseling and healing yourself. And you will never be able to truly offer helpful and beneficial counsel or facilitate healing for others until you have healed your own wounds and “sins.” And the golden rule continues to apply. If you treat others badly, harming them in any way, then you will have nothing but pain and suffering later on in life. The black magician pays a thousand fold for his or her mistreatment of others. Those who are bitter and jealous and angry and vengeful are showered with the same. It is law. And it is so easy to recognize the course of action that leads to Light and joy and happiness. Is it not?
  • Forgive everyone for everything. It is the only thing that serves you. And besides, whatever you experience you called to yourself anyway. They just played out what your subconscious mind was broadcasting to the world. You might have been broadcasting, “I believe life is unfair” or “I believe the world is unsafe.” Whatever you believe, you will experience.

Which leads me back to the main topic at hand. Whatever you experience, you have created. Your beliefs drew to you the people, the circumstances, the unexpected things that are happening at rocket speed in your life right now.

So what can you do about it?

Well, you need to learn to surf. Ride the wave instead of crashing and being pounded under the surf and left for dead, beaten and battered on the shore.

Have you ever seen Lilo and Stitch? Great movie on many levels. Stitch is a created destroyer being from some distant galaxy that was sentenced to death because he was programmed to destroy. He escaped and fled to a little island named Hawaii on a little planet called Earth where he pretended to be a dog and became the pet of a little girl going through a great deal of emotional turmoil. When it seemed things couldn’t get any worse, a friend suggested that when there is nothing else, there is always surfing. So they all head for the beach. Stitch is terrified of water and big waves would be intimidating to anyone.

Everything you need to know about surfing through life is captured in Stitches expressions and his experience. At first there is terror. It is the unknown. Once you are on the board you either have to stay on it or you will be pounded in the surf, there are no other options. He hangs on for dear life to the leg of the older sister. And slowly he realizes that she knows what she is doing and that they aren’t going to crash. Then comes the euphoria and exhilaration of riding the wave, hair blowing in the breeze, there is nothing like it. It is grand. It is wonderful. It is better than anyone could have dreamed.

And that is what your life can be.

When the unexpected happens, you have to step into the unknown. The waves are crashing. You have no choice about that. You can get on the board and try to ride or you can give up and be pounded by the waves. Its entirely your choice. In order to ride, you have to fully feel the uncertainty and discomfort of where you are. And then you have to follow your intuition, your inner guidance, your inner knowing, and TRUST that it knows what its doing and that everything is as it should be. It is scary. It can even be terrifying. And you might be thinking, “What is going to happen to me?” Or, “What is going to happen to the one I love so much that is going through this awful experience?” But when you can go beyond the circumstances and the uncertainty and feel the exhilaration of each moment right here right now, magic happens.

Forget about “what if.” Forget about how you think life is suppose to be. Forget about what others would do. Forget about what you thought this moment was going to look like. Know that this moment looks like this instead. You have all of who you are, all of your talents, all of your gifts, all of your insight, all of your wisdom, all of your courage, all of your strength, all of your beauty, all of your truth to trust in. You have the whole host of heaven to assist you. You have your inner guidance – the most perfect navigation system ever designed every second of every day. You have your close and dear friends who truly do have your best interest at heart (and if you don’t have those kind of people in your life, you need to find some).

And you ask the most important question in the universe: “Why is this happening?” And you dig and you dig and you dig until you find the true answer and permanently heal the reason the circumstances showed up in your life. And in that moment of healing, who you are is changed forever. And then the circumstance that at first seemed like the worst thing that could ever happen, turned into the most exhilarating, most empowering, most beneficial thing that has ever happened to you.

What a gift. What a blessing.

I send you the love of the Universe to assist you in discovering all the “whys” you must face. You are no longer in a time of hiding. You can no longer pretend and cover up and deny the parts of yourself that are not the divine Truth. You are now in the time of the Great Illumination.

And I say, “Ride the wave with a smile on your face. Feel the wind in your hair. Feel the exhilaration of who you are becoming right here right now.”

Many blessings,
Takara signature

My recommendations to assist you in learning how to surf:

If you need assistance in making circumstance easier, use Dancing Dolphin Essence Inner Peace. People swear by it. It is the essence of choice if you are dealing with a loved one’s death. It brings calmness and serenity in even the most challenging of times.

For illumination and understanding, use Dancing Dolphin Essence Meditation.

I am always available for private long distance energy healing sessions if you really want to get to the heart of an issue.

 

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Telesummit Recording Available Below …

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I know you will love the things I share in this recording of my interview for the Living Your Vibrant Life Telesummit including the truly life changing “Stepping into Your True Magnificence” meditation exercise, along with many insights and TONS of inspiration for living Your Vibrant Life that I shared.

I really enjoy being interviewed for telesummits, webinars, and radio. Much like working with private clients or speaking from a stage with a live audience, there is a “connection” that occurs which allows me to just “get out of the way” and let the information flow through me that is exactly what the individual or particular audience needs to hear in the moment.

In this telesummit interview, Tandy Elisala and I discuss some powerful conscious manifestation techniques. I also share insights about ways to turbo boost your meditation practice. I discuss the 4 states of being you want to achieve and the 5 practices I recommend everyone utilize to grow personally and accelerate their spiritual journey.

Just click the link to EnJOY!

Speaking of JOY, that’s the password.

JOY

Click this Link to Listen to the Telesummit Interview Recording Here

 

To learn more about meditation, get my bestselling book: Peering Through the Veil at Amazon. (https://www.magnificentu.com/Meditation)

Bestselling Meditation Book Peering Through the Veil

 

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http://gift.magnificentu.com/

https://www.magnificentu.com/gift/

“When you look in the mirror, staring back at you should be joy.

If what you see in the mirror is something less than joy, such as stress,

pain, frustration, anger, sadness, jealousy, fear, etc.,

then something in your life needs to change NOW!”

~ Debbie Takara Shelor

Joy is your natural state of being.

Herein lies the source of all your emotional pair:

The way you think people and situations should be is different than they really are.

When you can let go of the “shoulds” and just let life unfold without judgment, things get significantly easier and a lot more fun!

To more easily embrace each moment and find your joy, get BLISS by Dancing Dolphin!

Get the FREE Magnificent U Starter Kit – the 7 Secrets to Dancing Through Life eBook so you can get your JOY back!

Use the form below!

 

Have a deLightful day,

 

 

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Everyone has something that they are extraordinary at. Whether its breathtakingly difficult like the skills on this video or as simple as having immense patience when others do you … you too can be magnificent and lead an extraordinary life!

 

How you start each day is VERY important.

I begin my day with at least 20 minutes of meditation followed by some yoga.

These activities get my body and mind in a centered and balanced state which spills over into the rest of my day.

I see a huge shift in my level of focus and creativity if I allow myself to get stressed, especially if I haven’t meditated for a few days. Then, all I have to do is meditate, and as if someone turned on a faucet, the creative flow begins to pour in once more.

Here is a video that will, hopefully, make you smile. Its full of bubbles. Being part faerie, I really love bubbles. I’m only half kidding about being faerie.

Enjoy the video.

If you want to learn to meditate and enjoy all the benefits that will bring to you and your life, check out my bestselling book, Peering Through the Veil, the Step by Step Guide to Meditation and Inner Peace.

Have a fantastic day,

Return from the Start Each Day With a Smile and Other Ways to De-Stress Page to the Magnificent U Personal Empowerment Home Page

7 comments:

  1. I have a jar of bubbles in the closet but can’t do this. I have early morning stimulating conversations with 2 great friends that start my day off. I also post a morning inspiration on my page that stays with me throughout the day. Amazing video.


  2. This is wonderful! I think this is a great way to start the day.


  3. Great post and video. I agree, how we begin our day sets the tone for the rest of the day. Before we just wake up and begin our daily To Do list we need to take time for ourselves and set the tone for how we want our day to go.


  4. I have learned that it is better to just smile when faced with stressful situations. I have been doing more of that lately and my friends think I am crazy for not freaking out in certain situations


  5. Stress is one of the hardest things in life to control, meditation is definitely the answer! Loved the bubble show, she is amazing!!


  6. Starting your day right can make all the difference in the world in the rest of your day. My favorite way to start my day is to open my Bible and study God’s Word, then take time to pray for God’s direction and guidance as well as lifting others up for God’s special blessings.


  7. Definitely adjust our attitude. You reap what you sow so better be sowing good things in these situations! 🙂