How to Know if the Relationship You Are In is the Real Deal

When something, or someone, shows up that looks like what you want, how do you decide if it truly is what you want or if it is another opportunity to gain clarity and fine tune your desires.

A very dear friend of mine is much like a younger sister. Our sons are the same age. I’m 20 years older than she is. That gives us quite a different perspective. I sometimes feel protective older sisterly when it comes to things she is dealing with in life.

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She recently contacted me sharing news that she was in a new relationship and she offered a few details. As I “tuned in” to her and the relationship, I felt it was important to share some of the following …

I’ve added a great deal more for this article. These principles are valid regardless of the type of relationship you are in, romantic or otherwise, or what is going on within the relationship.

Enjoy!

When something happens that seems like a road block or a giant sign saying, “go the other way,” its not necessarily the Universe saying, “no.” It could just be a sign asking if you are sure this is what you want or maybe its saying, “not now.”

Always try to still your emotions, find that quiet calm place of centeredness and inner peace, and feel into the situation and the person.

Does it feel stable, balanced, real, solid, grounded, good or does it cause you to hesitate, doubt, have caution, or concern? If something feels like quicksand, or like there is no solid ground, be very cautious.

When you are centered and balanced, tuning in and feeling things out gives you more real information than any amount of mental chatter, logic, or what ifs you can come up with.

When you aren’t sure, stand back up centered fully on your own two feet and stop leaning so much in the direction of the other person or situation. Get back to the truth of who you are and what you want. It is better to be alone than with the wrong person who makes you less than you can be.

Your happiness cannot depend on another. It has to rest squarely on you.

Never assume what something means. In fact, the best course of action is to always assume you don’t know and seek ways to figure out what things mean.

Two months in and already a potential big issue – proceed with caution.

It takes 6 months to a year and a half for most people to get through the endorphins of the honeymoon phase. Sadly for others it can take up to 3 years. Clear vision is practically impossible with those rosy colored glasses on.

I read an article in National Geographic about love. They did studies and found that of happily married couples who had been married 20 or more years, only 1 in 20 still experienced endorphins when thinking of the other. They watched what happened when they showed a picture of their spouse to the person. They literally had that honeymoon euphoria wash over them – even after 20 years. How cool is that? Anyway, that is what everyone is seeking, but few find.

So tune in constantly with how things feel. If something is said or done that feels weird, uncomfortable, unexpected in a not great way, back up and try to see it from all angles. Talk the situation over with a friend or confidant that is not involved and its even better if the person does not know both parties. They are more impartial that way.

The gauge I like to use with regard to relationship is about empowerment vs. disempowerment. Is it enhancing or diminishing to who you are? Is it beneficial or detrimental to your wellbeing, your happiness, and your achievement of your dreams?

As most people know, when dowsing about most things, the benefit/detriment chart is my absolute favorite and the one I use most often.

Whether you are dowsing about it, or just asking yourself the questions, the things I feel are most important to ask with any romantic relationship is, “If I stay with this person (continue this relationship), who will I be in 5 years?” “How will I feel about myself?” Those are the important questions to consider if you are planning on this being long term.

If being with someone means you have to diminish yourself, be less than all that you are, always be careful not to say the wrong thing, then the relationship is not at all beneficial for you.

If the person is critical, cuts you down, makes you wrong or doubt yourself, your abilities, your worthiness, or causes you to feel unhappy on a regular basis, obviously you have no business being in the relationship. And the sooner you get out, the better.

Had I stayed with my ex., I would never have become a bestselling author. Why? Because he never believed in my dreams, thought I was wasting my time sitting behind a computer, and often complained about me doing things that I’m passionate about. He just didn’t “get” me or appreciate who I am. I was not what he thought I should be, therefore he thought I needed to change. Thankfully circumstances were such that we parted ways and I have quite happily gone and done the things I’ve dreamed of doing and he has found another relationship that brings him joy.

You have to consider the level of consciousness a person is at. Most people who are reading this newsletter are of a very high vibration or level of consciousness. It is practically impossible for you to be, or remain, in a relationship with someone at a significant lower level.

In one of the books I’m working on right now I go into all this consciousness level and octave business in great detail. But to summarize the concept, I’ve broken the consciousness scale into 4 octaves. The one most of us have a hard time with is the first one. The people living in that octave are completely self absorbed and selfish. Its not their fault. Its just where they are. Sadly, most of the world’s population is in this octave. They are quickly moving up, but many of them are not there yet.

A person in octaves 2 or 3 simply can’t be in relationship with someone in the first octave. Those people are vampires by very definition. They have no direct connection to source (that they can effectively utilize), so they link up with others and feed off their energy (chi, life force). They run a lot of hidden agendas and their motives, regardless of how they look on the surface, are always self serving. Its quite difficult to see through the facade, or illusion, they run of who they are.

Things get tricky when you enter the picture. If you are at a high level of consciousness (living at a higher octave), just being in your presence raises others up. So if you are trying to check out where someone is, you are skewing the numbers.

You have to dowse it saying, “Show me (person’s name) level of consciousness 2 years ago (or some time frame long before you entered the picture). You can also say, “Show me (person’s name) true level of consciousness.”

I never trust my own dowsing on this and always get one or more friends to do the same. They need to be really clear and skilled dowsers too!

I recently started seeing a guy who reads higher on consciousness than anyone I’ve ever dated. It has nothing to do with how “spiritual” someone is. Its just who they are. When you are playing together in the same octave, the energy is vastly different and can be truly extraordinary.

The beautiful thing about people in higher octaves is that they don’t pretend to be something they are not. They are real. They have dropped the facade. They are comfortable with who they are and to the select few they decide to include in their inner circle, they are open, honest, deeply caring, and giving.

People in the first octave only appear to be those things. It sometimes takes quite a while to discover that they are not as they seem. Most people who are jaded about relationship have had a relationship with someone in the first octave and been left emotionally wounded and scarred.

Those wounds need to be healed. Thankfully, time in nature, in silence, working with vibrational tools like Dancing Dolphin products, journaling, working with a counselor of some kind can do amazing things towards that healing.

Consciousness changes all the time. If someone is facing a significant life challenge, are worried about something or someone, the numbers plummet.

I don’t really like telling people about consciousness. There is a huge temptation to compare and the ego wants to say, “Look at me I’m this great thing because I’m vibing at this level.” So proceed with caution. Don’t trust yourself and the answers you get, because the ego does want to be oh so important.

The bottom line is if you are vibing at say 600 or 700 on the consciousness scale (which is freaking high by the way) and you are dating someone at 300, it is NEVER going to work. Get out early, because there is no way it can be harmonious in the long term.

And even though in the beginning you bring them up. As they continue to vampire your energy over time, your vibration and consciousness will plummet. It can affect your health. It can definitely negatively impact your self esteem, confidence, and level of happiness.

Once again, it is better to be alone than to be involved in that.

When you live in a high vibration, its like moths to the flame. Realize that about yourself and be careful what you get involved in.

 

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Takara

Author~Speaker~Engineer~Mystic at Magnificent U
Debbie Takara Shelor is a bestselling author, award-winning speaker, engineer, and consultant helping individuals and organizations discover their true magnificence so they can thrive in business and in life. She acts as a catalyst and facilitator of radical positive change providing tools, training, and support to people who are tired of feeling suck and are ready to catapult themselves into high gear both personally and professionally. She says, "Life is a magnificent adventure ... remember to enjoy the ride!" Get her free Magnificent U starter kit by visiting her gift page Enjoy Debbie Takara Shelor Bestselling Author Blog: Magnificent U
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