Shoulds Can Destroy Relationships and Self Esteem

Shoulds Destroy Relationships

The bloody shoulds destroy relationships and self esteem.

Blame, shame, victimhood, guilt … often create terrible destruction and rarely anything positive.

Blaming Others

The only way for a person to be happy is to stop blaming others and outside circumstances for their unhappiness. You have to take responsibility for how you react to the words and actions of other people. People’s behavior is one thing. Your reaction to it is all about you and nothing at all to do with them.

If you want a great relationship with someone, you have to create it and make it a priority.

You have to love, honor, accept, and appreciate the other person just the way they are. Of course they have to do the same for your.

Developing kindness, compassion, caring, and being conscientious of how your words and actions affect others is something you (as in all people) simply have to learn how to do if you ever want great relationships.

The problem for most people is that it is impossible to do those things for another until one learns to do it for themselves – meaning you have to love, honor, accept, and appreciate yourself. You have to see your own brilliance. You also have to see your shortcomings and love yourself any way.

When you can do that, others will also. That’s just how it works.

It took me years to figure all this out and apply it in my own life by truly learning to love and appreciate myself.

Shoulds Destroy Relationships

Emotional distress happens when you have unrealistic expectations of yourself and others or are attached to how you think you and they “should” be behaving. When they (or you) don’t behave the way you think they “should,” you get upset. It’s human nature. It is also something everyone needs to learn to get over.

When you get angry, upset, or sad because someone didn’t behave the way you think they “should” have, that is a great opportunity to take a long hard look, heal, and release, the underlying cause of your anger or sadness. The current circumstance is simply a mirror showing you something that is still “broken” within. It is never about the other person or situation. It is always about the one reacting.

People have good days and bad days. They are imperfect. Sometimes they are fun and interesting and other times they are grumpy. Sometimes they have energy to do things and other days they can barely get out of bed. That is just the truth.

Some people are night owls while other are morning people. Some people are naturally more kind. Kindness is really important to me.

Think Before You Speak

If someone is mean, calls people names, is constantly judging, complaining about, and criticizing others, I simply refuse to hang out with them. They obviously are not showing honor or respect for those other people.

If the people you tend to hang out with act this way, it’s time for new friends. It’s also time to look in the mirror because people are often drawn to people much like themselves.  You have to learn to think about how it would feel if someone said that to you, before you speak it out loud. Check out this article on Living the Golden Rule – the rule book I follow in life.

If you have done something unkind, then recognize it, forgive yourself first, then apologize, and move on. In the future, think before you speak or act.

Learning and growing is why we are here. We don’t expect a toddler to always be nice or know how to do everything already. Yet we expect ourselves, and others, to do everything perfectly all the time. When in truth, we are all just learning and growing.

This is a little saying I came up with some time ago:
“They are doing the best they can with what they’ve got
Be it what they’ve experienced or what they’ve been taught.”

In every given moment, we are all doing the best we can. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Yes, we could all do better. But because of stress, environment, fears, limiting beliefs, judgments, expectations, attachments to outcomes, shame, blame, victimhood, and guilt, we behave less than best a great deal of the time. We can beat ourselves and others up over this forever. Or we can let it go, forgive, and move on.

We are also greatly influenced by the expectations of others. If someone thinks we always screw up, we tend to screw up. If someone thinks we are brilliant, we tend to be brilliant. How you are viewed in the eyes and unspoken beliefs of those you surround yourself with does have an impact on you – whether beneficial or detrimental.

They did a study a long time ago. I am not remembering all the details, but this was the gist of it: A teacher was given the name of each of her new students for the school year along with their locker number. However the teacher was told that the locker number was the student’s IQ. Whether the teacher openly treated students differently with what she thought was a higher IQ or if she simply had higher expectations of those students with high numbers and lesser expectations of those with low numbers, at the end of the year the student scores matched her expectations. Even for children who usually got A’s, if their number was lower, they got lower grades.

How you believe people are is how they behave in your presence. If you think people are jerks, then you tend to be surrounded by jerks. A lot of it has to do with your own beliefs and expectations. When you change, the experiences you have with others changes as well.

Feed Your Mind the Right Things

We are comprised of 70 to 80% water. The studies by Masaru Emoto showed dramatic shifts in water structure by simply taping different words (written in Japanese Kanje / calligraphy) on a glass of water. http://www.masaru-emoto.net/english/water-crystal.html  Check out the images, they are fascinating.

Hate caused severe distortion. Love caused extraordinarily beautiful and intricate crystalline structure. Music, news, conversation all have a real tangible effect on your body and therefore your mind and emotions. What you feed your mind matters. Who you surround yourself with matters. How you speak to others and how you let them speak to you matters. What you listen to, even your self talk, all makes a huge difference in how well you do in life and your level of happiness and success.

Many success experts say that you are the sum total of the 5 people you spend the most time with. When you are stuck and wanting to change, the first thing to do is change who you hang out with. If you can’t do that physically, then do it through audio, video, and books. I know a very successful woman who used to read the autobiography’s of very famous people and then, in her mind, pretend that those people were sitting around a table talking with her – her own mental board room. She had “gotten into their head” by reading all about them and then started having conversations, asking questions, making decisions as if they were her friends and advisers. The famous book, Think and Grow Rich, would suggest something similar.

I used to listen to audios and read books by my favorite spiritual teacher. On my way to and from work, I listened to his words of wisdom. I read and listened so often that sometimes I would suddenly hear him say a line or two in my head. It was very empowering and eventually helped me find the courage to leave an incredibly stressful career environment and head out into the unknown to find joy, passion, and my true life’s calling.

Now, with the Magnificent U Foundation Course, I’ve created a way for people to take a deep dive into my work, read my words and hear my voice, related to personal and spiritual growth, energy healing, inspiration, new thoughts and perspectives about life, to truly become empowered and find their own courage to become magnificent and have greater relationships and a more meaningful life experience.

If you enjoyed this article, you might also like this one on getting stuck in the negative thinking spin and the others mentioned at the bottom of it. As well as this article about the Golden Rule and education.

May you experience magnificent relationships,
Bestselling author Debbie Takara Shelor signature

Why We Absolutely Love the Pretty Woman Movie

Many people I know … including some you would find quite surprising … LOVE the movie Pretty Woman.

Why is that?

There are many answers to that question, so I will share  a few of my thoughts about it here.

As someone on my Facebook wall said after I posted about the 25th Pretty Woman Anniversary reunion coming up, that its just an “obvious formula,” so why all the fuss?

A few of the obvious reasons include:

  • A fun script brilliantly acted and directed
  • Gorgeous leading male and female actors
  • Some truly interesting and odd characters that you love, or love to hate
  • Believable chemistry between the two main actors
  • A fairy tale that ends with happily ever after
  • Lavish environments that many people find highly appealing
  • Great clothes and shopping
  • Lots of humor

I am of the firm opinion that there is much more going on though, and that that is the reason for its huge appeal.

Its not just a knight in shining armor story about the gallant prince coming to rescue the damsel in distress who has fallen on hard times.

Its a LOT more than that.

Twenty years ago when I first woke up spiritually, the words that kept burning in my brain were “I’m here to help people discover the beautiful, powerful, magnificent beings they are inside.” That is what the whole movie is about.

The story, beyond the romance, the jet set lifestyle, the rags vs riches contrast,  the adversity of “friends” who don’t approve, is about the empowerment of the Vivian character, played by Julia Roberts.

Vivian is a beautiful, intelligent, competent, humorous, and interesting woman that for whatever reason has never seen herself that way.  Most women I know are like that. And the ones who have succeeded, in any area of their life, had a whole lot of caca to overcome in order to do so.

Religion says we are lesser than. Business is often an “old boys network.” Men often play a much bigger role in politics. These are just a few of the places we pick up that we are defective. We are taught that we are weaker and probably not as good at math and science as our male counterparts.  (So of course I had to go out and become an engineer just to prove something – LOL) This is just the crap women are fed from the moment they are born about what it means to be a woman.

Then there is the constant comparing of our looks with who ever is in the movies, in the magazines, the Sports Illustrated swim suit edition, etc. Heaven forbid if a woman was dumped for another woman by someone they loved. Wow does that one cause damage. Multiply that damage x 10 or more if it was a husband. What a woman is taught about herself at home, at school, with her peers, even with her enemies, can be hugely damaging to a woman’s self esteem. And without that, she loses before she even engages in the game.

In the Cinderella story, Cinderella knew she was a Princess being mistreated by an evil step mother and was given an opportunity to change that. But after the dance, Cinderella ran home and the rest was left up to Prince Charming. Cinderella didn’t undergo a true metamorphosis. She really only changed clothes.

But in the Vivian story, when she began to glimpse that she had value, that she had gifts, that this great guy actually saw her brilliance … well then  that girl began to really shine. Because truly, in many cases, all it really takes is one person who actually loves, honors, accepts, and appreciates you for who you are, that can see your brilliance, that can see your unique gifts and how special you are, to open the doorway to you turning your whole life around.

And once she began to “get” that she was more than she had been believing or pretending to herself, then she decided to become that person and demand the respect that came along with feeling good about who you are. She decided to enroll in a beauty course – finding some new career to get her out of the surroundings and “career” she was currently in and head off into a bold new reality.

And, along the way, she said those magic words, “I want the fairy tale.”

Well don’t we all?

Don’t we all truly want love, wealth, health, a fun lifestyle, to be truly happy and surrounded by wonderful people?

We all know the answer to that question.

She had no idea if Edward, played by Richard Gere, would also step up to being more than he had been previously, or if their time truly was over. She would figure out a way to get over it if he couldn’t step into his brilliance too!

She stood up for what she felt she finally deserved, and then Edward showed up as the Knight in Shining Armor she knew he could be.

Its a beautiful tale and even thinking about it brings tears.

Because it touches deep within the soul of those who allow it to, to let you hope and dream and believe in brilliant possibilities for yourself as well.

 

Return from the Why We Absolutely Love the Pretty Woman Movie Page to the Magnificent U Personal Empowerment Home Page

 

Beloved by Debbie Takara Shelor

Beloved by Takara

How much do you love yourself?

What do you feel worthy of receiving?

The Goddess is rising and she demands honor, respect, and acknowledgement for her contribution.

I’m sure you have been seeing it too. Many of the women I know have been faced recently with a strong desire to dump their boyfriends/husbands. And for the one’s I’ve spoken with, it was usually sparked by a situation where they were just not feeling respected or acknowledged for all the work and energy they give. Luckily for most it was a fleeting thing that allowed them to voice their discontent and acknowledge their needs and desires.

The one that matters is you. Read more

Magnificent U Online – Soon to Begin

As I mentioned in the previous newsletter, I’ve spent the last several years “receiving” and developing several new teachings and technologies for healing, regaining harmony, balance, wholeness, and achieving your dreams. Its a massive upgrade to some of my earlier teachings including Freeway to Freedom and the profound transformation so many people have experienced with my various technologies over the years. It is taking everything to a whole new level. I also realized that since Stuart Wilde, my first teacher, is no longer with us, its time to share the powerful things I learned from him.

The training includes a deep dive into relationships, the things you are here to master, how to develop a deep and profound relationship with your Divine Self and the dolphins, greatly fine-tuning and amplifying your intuition so you know where to be, what to say, and what to do in every moment, clearing, energetic protection, and so much more.But before I finalize everything and put it out there, I have two questions for you:
  1. Would you like to start mid-November or would you like to wait until the beginning of January – after the holidays?
  2. If there is something specific you would like to learn about energy healing, becoming healed and whole, or any of the other topics I discuss, please let me know so I can include it in this training.
Please leave a comment below with your answers.
Thanks!

7 Deadly Sins Takara Style

Below are some quotes for you to enjoy, post on your wall, or share with your friends.

 

7 Deadly Sins Takara Style

 

The 7 Deadly Sins Takara Style.

There are actually 8, but who’s counting? The actual list is this:

  1. Fear
  2. Limiting Beliefs
  3. Judgments
  4. Expectations
  5. Attachments to Outcomes
  6. Shame
  7. Blame
  8. Victimhood

Takara quote

 

Everything that is “wrong” in your life is there because you still have these.

When you learn to love, honor, accept, and appreciate who you are, then you can do the same for others. ~ Debbie Takara Shelor

 

 

Takara Inspirational Quotes

 

You can find things to blame. Or … You can find things to love. What you choose to focus on makes all the difference. ~ Debbie Takara Shelor

Happy, successful people don’t sit around all day pointing fingers. They take actions towards what they want to achieve. And they do it with passion. ~ Debbie Takara Shelor

Happy Successful Quote by Takara

 

These have been  some quotes for you to enjoy, post on your wall, or share with your friends.

For actual articles, visit the Article’s Archive.

Have a deLightful day,

Bestselling author Debbie Takara Shelor signature

 

 

 

 

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Who Is In Your Inner Circle?

InnerCircleSm

 

Who’s in your inner circle?

“They need to love, honor, accept, & appreciate you for who you are. Otherwise, they don’t belong there!” ~ Debbie Takara Shelor

 

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Living by the Golden Rule

The Golden Rule

I’ve always tried to live by The Golden Rule. As I observe the words and actions of many political and religious leaders, I’m often baffled. If The Golden Rule applies, then how can this person think or act in this way? And how can other people listen to their words and observe their actions and actually agree with them?

The Golden Rule from 13 Different Religious Perspectives:

Baha’i Faith
Lay not on any soul a load that you would not wish to be laid upon you, and desire not for anyone the things you would not desire for yourself.
Baha’u’llah, Gleanings

Buddhism
Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.
The Buddha, Udana-Varga 5.1

Christianity
In everything, do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.
Jesus, Matthew 7:12

Confucianism
One word which sums up the basis of all good conduct….loving-kindness. Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself.
Confucius, Analects 15.23

Hinduism
This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you.
Mahabharata 5:1517

Islam
Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what you wish for yourself.
The Prophet Muhammad, 13th of the 40 Hadiths of Nawawi

Jainism
One should treat all creatures in the world as one would like to be treated.
Mahavira, Sutrakritanga

Judaism
What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbour. This is the whole Torah; all the rest is commentary. Go and learn it.
Hillel, Talmud, Shabbath 31a

Native Spirituality
We are as much alive as we keep the earth alive.
Chief Dan George

Sikhism
I am a stranger to no one; and no one is a stranger to me. Indeed, I am a friend to all.
Guru Granth Sahib, pg. 1299

Taoism
Regard your neighbour’s gain as your own gain and your neighbour’s loss as your own loss.
Lao Tzu, T’ai Shang Kan Ying P’ien, 213-218

Unitarianism
We affirm and promote respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
Unitarian principle

Zoroastrianism
Do not do unto others whatever is injurious to yourself.
Shayast-na-Shayast 13.29

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List Compiled by John Milan & Paul McKenna


The Golden Rule is a way of stating how to positively use the Universal Law of Cause and Effect which applies everywhere and in all things. The cause is a thought, word, or action by you. The effect is the result you will get from that thought, word, or action.

You’ve heard the saying, “What goes around, comes around” or that giving and receiving are just the opposite sides of the same circle. It is absolutely true. And its time that we all practice this principle much more diligently.

Have you ever contemplated who the “other” is, referred to in these teachings? My interpretation is that the “other” represents any being on this or any planet, reality, or dimension. To many people that is quite a stretch of the principle. It is my truth. It is what The Golden Rule means to me. I don’t step on ants. I treat dogs as nicely as I would a small child. Plants are my friends. And I practice harmlessness.

Knowing how to treat others is so simple. Ask yourself if you were in their shoes, would you like this to be said or thought or done to you? And then take the appropriate action based on the answer. If your words, thoughts, or actions don’t uplift or empower another, then make another choice.

How do you want to be treated? Then treat all others that same way.

If you want to feel joy, then do things that bring joy to others.

If you want to know love, then learn and express true love and acceptance of everyone. O.K. no-one said this was always easy. But this Universal Law holds whether you want to participate or not.

If you don’t like it when people talk about you behind your back, gossip about you, or judge you, then stop judging others – that means everyone in your field of perception. Not just your family, co-workers, and friends or enemies, but also people in the news, political leaders, movie stars, even terrorists. You can look at the actions of another with discernment, deciding whether spending time with them or taking the same actions yourself is appropriate. But when you begin to judge whether it is right or wrong, then you are telling the Universe – through the law of cause and effect – that you are ready to be judged by others.

I said the law was simple. I did not say the law was easy. It can be, of course, but it requires a great deal of letting go of what is right or wrong, good or bad. It requires rising above polarity or duality consciousness.

There are a few nuances about the Law of Cause and Effect that are important to explain.

First, you can’t be attached to your giving or to how the Universe will supply you with what you are asking for. Many people give in order to receive. They think to themselves, “I’ll give this money to this church so that God will give me money some other way.” But that is giving with strings attached. So any money you receive will also have strings. You should give, instead, as an affirmation that the Universe is an abundant place and you KNOW you are abundant and money is ever flowing to you. Not you HOPE you are abundant. You KNOW you are abundant.

How do you achieve knowing? As in all things, you have to recognize and then transform all of your disempowering beliefs – including your belief in lack – into Divine truth.

Second, you have to allow yourself to receive. This is where trying to consciously apply the law of cause and effect stops working for most people. Subconsciously, they do not feel worthy of receiving. They feel they aren’t good enough to receive love, money, acknowledgement, friendship, good health, happiness, etc. As long as you feel unworthy, you will never receive the things you desire. You can work from morning to night and still never have anything because deep down you don’t feel you deserve anything. Again it requires healing.

Third, you always receive through precession. You never receive from straight in front of yourself. Another way to put that is, you never receive directly back from where you give.

Buckminster Fuller coined the term precession. It means that when you are looking straight in front of yourself anticipating money or love or whatever to come your way, it won’t. It always comes to you at a 90 degree angle away from center. One might say that “The Universe brings your supply from left field.” If you are putting your attention on a project, or a person, that is not where you will receive. Something completely unexpected will come to you from the side – usually in the form of an opportunity, one you very often miss.

The perfect example of precession is how my former husband, Raven, entered my life.

I had taken the time to write down all the things I wanted in a relationship. I then completely surrendered and let go of my attachment to ever actually having the perfect person in my life – no strings, no expectations, totally fine with or without it. I learned to love and accept others and myself.

One day I felt inspired (was intuitively guided from within) to go to a particular store to introduce the owners/managers to a product I was promoting. I got all dressed up with presentation in hand and headed out the door. I was very nervous. I’d never shared this product with a store before.

As I entered the store, I caught the eye of a very attractive man. We smiled at one another and I proceeded to the counter to give my little presentation. Lucky for us, the store manager was a very “in tune” person. When I asked if he would like a demonstration, he looked at me and this guy, and then asked the guy to come over and have the demonstration. The guy could then tell the manager what he thought.

I didn’t make any sales that day. I was focused on business and instead the Universe handed me my future husband – Precession.

Of course as you grow and evolve, your desires often change. My husband and I grew in different directions and the relationship eventually ended. Had I healed more things first, I may have met someone else entirely.

If you continue to heal and grow and are open to receive, watching the subtle signals that are happening all around you all of the time, you will be blessed with love, wealth, kindness, and the other things you have given freely without need for their return.

Blessings to your journey,
TakaraSignature

How to Know if the Relationship You Are In is the Real Deal

When something, or someone, shows up that looks like what you want, how do you decide if it truly is what you want or if it is another opportunity to gain clarity and fine tune your desires.

A very dear friend of mine is much like a younger sister. Our sons are the same age. I’m 20 years older than she is. That gives us quite a different perspective. I sometimes feel protective older sisterly when it comes to things she is dealing with in life.

She recently contacted me sharing news that she was in a new relationship and she offered a few details. As I “tuned in” to her and the relationship, I felt it was important to share some of the following …

I’ve added a great deal more for this article. These principles are valid regardless of the type of relationship you are in, romantic or otherwise, or what is going on within the relationship.

Enjoy!

When something happens that seems like a road block or a giant sign saying, “go the other way,” its not necessarily the Universe saying, “no.” It could just be a sign asking if you are sure this is what you want or maybe its saying, “not now.”

Always try to still your emotions, find that quiet calm place of centeredness and inner peace, and feel into the situation and the person.

Does it feel stable, balanced, real, solid, grounded, good or does it cause you to hesitate, doubt, have caution, or concern? If something feels like quicksand, or like there is no solid ground, be very cautious.

When you are centered and balanced, tuning in and feeling things out gives you more real information than any amount of mental chatter, logic, or what ifs you can come up with.

When you aren’t sure, stand back up centered fully on your own two feet and stop leaning so much in the direction of the other person or situation. Get back to the truth of who you are and what you want. It is better to be alone than with the wrong person who makes you less than you can be.

Your happiness cannot depend on another. It has to rest squarely on you.

Never assume what something means. In fact, the best course of action is to always assume you don’t know and seek ways to figure out what things mean.

Two months in and already a potential big issue – proceed with caution.

It takes 6 months to a year and a half for most people to get through the endorphins of the honeymoon phase. Sadly for others it can take up to 3 years. Clear vision is practically impossible with those rosy colored glasses on.

I read an article in National Geographic about love. They did studies and found that of happily married couples who had been married 20 or more years, only 1 in 20 still experienced endorphins when thinking of the other. They watched what happened when they showed a picture of their spouse to the person. They literally had that honeymoon euphoria wash over them – even after 20 years. How cool is that? Anyway, that is what everyone is seeking, but few find.

So tune in constantly with how things feel. If something is said or done that feels weird, uncomfortable, unexpected in a not great way, back up and try to see it from all angles. Talk the situation over with a friend or confidant that is not involved and its even better if the person does not know both parties. They are more impartial that way.

The gauge I like to use with regard to relationship is about empowerment vs. disempowerment. Is it enhancing or diminishing to who you are? Is it beneficial or detrimental to your wellbeing, your happiness, and your achievement of your dreams?

As most people know, when dowsing about most things, the benefit/detriment chart is my absolute favorite and the one I use most often.

Whether you are dowsing about it, or just asking yourself the questions, the things I feel are most important to ask with any romantic relationship is, “If I stay with this person (continue this relationship), who will I be in 5 years?” “How will I feel about myself?” Those are the important questions to consider if you are planning on this being long term.

If being with someone means you have to diminish yourself, be less than all that you are, always be careful not to say the wrong thing, then the relationship is not at all beneficial for you.

If the person is critical, cuts you down, makes you wrong or doubt yourself, your abilities, your worthiness, or causes you to feel unhappy on a regular basis, obviously you have no business being in the relationship. And the sooner you get out, the better.

Had I stayed with my ex., I would never have become a bestselling author. Why? Because he never believed in my dreams, thought I was wasting my time sitting behind a computer, and often complained about me doing things that I’m passionate about. He just didn’t “get” me or appreciate who I am. I was not what he thought I should be, therefore he thought I needed to change. Thankfully circumstances were such that we parted ways and I have quite happily gone and done the things I’ve dreamed of doing and he has found another relationship that brings him joy.

You have to consider the level of consciousness a person is at. Most people who are reading this newsletter are of a very high vibration or level of consciousness. It is practically impossible for you to be, or remain, in a relationship with someone at a significant lower level.

In one of the books I’m working on right now I go into all this consciousness level and octave business in great detail. But to summarize the concept, I’ve broken the consciousness scale into 4 octaves. The one most of us have a hard time with is the first one. The people living in that octave are completely self absorbed and selfish. Its not their fault. Its just where they are. Sadly, most of the world’s population is in this octave. They are quickly moving up, but many of them are not there yet.

A person in octaves 2 or 3 simply can’t be in relationship with someone in the first octave. Those people are vampires by very definition. They have no direct connection to source (that they can effectively utilize), so they link up with others and feed off their energy (chi, life force). They run a lot of hidden agendas and their motives, regardless of how they look on the surface, are always self serving. Its quite difficult to see through the facade, or illusion, they run of who they are.

Things get tricky when you enter the picture. If you are at a high level of consciousness (living at a higher octave), just being in your presence raises others up. So if you are trying to check out where someone is, you are skewing the numbers.

You have to dowse it saying, “Show me (person’s name) level of consciousness 2 years ago (or some time frame long before you entered the picture). You can also say, “Show me (person’s name) true level of consciousness.”

I never trust my own dowsing on this and always get one or more friends to do the same. They need to be really clear and skilled dowsers too!

I recently started seeing a guy who reads higher on consciousness than anyone I’ve ever dated. It has nothing to do with how “spiritual” someone is. Its just who they are. When you are playing together in the same octave, the energy is vastly different and can be truly extraordinary.

The beautiful thing about people in higher octaves is that they don’t pretend to be something they are not. They are real. They have dropped the facade. They are comfortable with who they are and to the select few they decide to include in their inner circle, they are open, honest, deeply caring, and giving.

People in the first octave only appear to be those things. It sometimes takes quite a while to discover that they are not as they seem. Most people who are jaded about relationship have had a relationship with someone in the first octave and been left emotionally wounded and scarred.

Those wounds need to be healed. Thankfully, time in nature, in silence, working with vibrational tools like Dancing Dolphin products, journaling, working with a counselor of some kind can do amazing things towards that healing.

Consciousness changes all the time. If someone is facing a significant life challenge, are worried about something or someone, the numbers plummet.

I don’t really like telling people about consciousness. There is a huge temptation to compare and the ego wants to say, “Look at me I’m this great thing because I’m vibing at this level.” So proceed with caution. Don’t trust yourself and the answers you get, because the ego does want to be oh so important.

The bottom line is if you are vibing at say 600 or 700 on the consciousness scale (which is freaking high by the way) and you are dating someone at 300, it is NEVER going to work. Get out early, because there is no way it can be harmonious in the long term.

And even though in the beginning you bring them up. As they continue to vampire your energy over time, your vibration and consciousness will plummet. It can affect your health. It can definitely negatively impact your self esteem, confidence, and level of happiness.

Once again, it is better to be alone than to be involved in that.

When you live in a high vibration, its like moths to the flame. Realize that about yourself and be careful what you get involved in.

 

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Be Careful What You Wish For

I’m sure you’ve heard someone say, “Be careful what you wish for.”

Every time I read those words or hear someone say them, I smile.

Why?

Because I’ve manifested so many amazing things over the years. And you do, in fact, have to be careful what you ask or wish for.

I often jump up and dance whenever I hear the song, “When I Grow Up,” by The Pussycat Dolls. I love the lines that say, “Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it.”

My friend, Randolph Craft, often ends his Facebook posts with, “Be careful what you ask for.” Randy is living the life of his dreams. He was very close friend and  student of Buckminster Fuller. He travels and teaches extensively throughout the Far East where he enjoys fame and fortune. When he returns to the states, he lives in a gorgeous secluded little spot in Hawaii where he enjoys a much simpler life of water sports, painting, playing music, and harvesting native fruit growing on his property.

You can read a million and one things about the Law of Attraction. Some of it is good and some of it is not. Much of it doesn’t get to the core of how it works, because, quite frankly, the teachers of the subject don’t really understand it.

We aren’t going to go into the nuances of the Law of Attraction here. The topic is too big to cover in an article.

What we are going to talk about is how to let the Universe know what you want. And next next time we’ll talk about when something shows up that looks like what you want, how to decide if it truly is what you want or if it is another opportunity to gain clarity and fine tune your desires.

I’ve always known what I wanted. Maybe that makes me unique. But I just know who I am, what I want, what I like and what I don’t like.

I’m much better at manifesting certain things than others.  I’ve always had this knack for manifesting fabulous life experiences, trips to exotic places, wonderful, interesting, fun, unique friends, and on occasion, romance.

I had basically given up on that last one. My marriage really did a number on how much I trusted myself and my ability to tell the difference between a “good” guy and a not so good guy. For five years I had the best marriage most people had ever seen. People often commented about how we interacted with one another and with our young son. There was an amazing level of harmony. People who could see energy said we were in complete union. And we were freaking happy.

Early on in our relationship we sat in on a lecture with Cat Cunningham, a famous teacher and channel. She was in the middle of talking and just stopped and stared at us. She asked if we were in a relationship of some kind. We said yes. She said she had never seen this phenomenon before. Cat sees a person’s animal totem in their energy field. She said that there was a wolf and a coyote and they were jumping back and forth between our energy fields. She was completely fascinated by it.

So when he started cheating, it completely threw me. And, being as in tune energetically as I am, I knew the moment it happened – the first time anyway. He was in Florida teaching a workshop and I was in New Mexico. I was literally pacing the floor absolutely knowing something was VERY wrong. The marriage bond, the trust, the energetic union between us was completely shattered in that moment and it simply never recovered. There are so many factors involved, there is no way to point to one thing and say, “that’s the reason my marriage fell apart.”

It gave me a great reason to do some extraordinarily deep inner work and who I’ve become because of it, I feel, is phenomenal.  Thank God for Millie Stefani. I simply would not be who I am today without her being there day after day, week after week, year after year as my confident, mentor, and friend.  Her insight, channeling and healing ability, truly helped me not only get through all the emotional pain and “issues” I had to address, but to achieve a level of personal magnificence few even dream possible.

The truth is, he wasn’t the right guy for me. It seemed like it at the time. But one of the many things I’ve been shown is that where you are mentally and emotionally when you meet someone has a lot to do with who you draw to yourself as you send out that vibration. I was at the lowest point I have ever been when he showed up.

There are no mistakes. My son is fantastic and the result of my marriage. But remaining together with my ex. was not in either of our best interests.

After the divorce and my dad’s cancer scare, I moved to Virginia and dated a few guys I’d dated previously in high school where the relationships had ended and I was left with feelings of rejection. I got to clean all that up and complete those. Thank heavens. Because those people were definitely not who I needed to be with either.

When I got back from Fiji, I concluded that I was done with romance. And I went about my merry little way for 3 years like that.

I’ve dated quite a few guys – from all walks of life, from all sorts of backgrounds, from millionaires to starving artists and lots of things in between. Because of who I am and how I’m wired, I simply didn’t believe there was anyone who could see all of who I am and appreciate that properly, ignite my passion, be smart, sexy, and interesting enough that I would love spending time with them. I have dated or been friends with guys who could do one or more of those things, but never all. I was very happy on my own.

Sometimes though, your Soul knows a lot more about what you want than you do.

The crazy thing is you don’t even have to believe its possible. That’s something I doubt you will ever hear from a Law of Attraction instructor.

But I’ve done that now several times.

I had in the back of my mind somewhere that I wanted to be a bestselling author. I’m sure every author feels that way. But I truthfully didn’t believe it was possible. And if it was possible, I thought it would be for the book I’m writing right now, not the one I published last year that became a bestseller.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t that hard to accomplish. I had to get out of my own way and I did have to do a few things I was nervous about. But actual effort was pretty minimal. Guess that’s why authors want to work with me now. I seem to be pretty damn good at inspiring writers, helping them succeed, and giving them beneficial tools, templates, and direction.

So for a person who consciously didn’t want a relationship, I did a couple of dumb things in the opposite direction. Things that I know were contributing factors to the mess I’m in now. I say that laughingly because I’m kidding about it being a mess. What’s going on is extraordinary, but we’ll get to all that.

I love this show out of Canada called Lost Girl. Its about the magical world of Fae and it is over the top steamy. Every episode gives you an opportunity to learn about a new kind of Fae (faerie, magical person, personal with unusual abilities – all stealing energy from humans). I find each one to be an exaggeration of what really goes on between people and the energy vampirism that happens all the time. I’m actually understanding a few new things about energy by watching it.

There is a romantic triangle. Bo, the lost girl and main character, is a succubus – one who feeds of the sexual energy of others. Hence the steaminess of the show. Her first primary relationship was with Dyson, a Fae who shape shifts into a werewolf. The sexual intensity between them is palpable and intoxicatingly believable. Once the wolf gives his heart over to another, its a done deal. He  mates and is loyal for life. He has been willing to die for her on more than one occasion and the passion between then is of an intensity that few dream possible.

The other part of the triangle is a female doctor named Lauren. I don’t have a problem with lesbianism, but I don’t really like the doctor’s character and the energy between Bo and Lauren just doesn’t feel real. They are saying the lines, acting romantic and passionate, but there is just no energy there. And when you can feel energy like I can, you pick that stuff up. So it feels really dead for me.

Obviously I want Bo to end up with Dyson in the end. After watching an episode one evening, being all caught up in the intensity and passion involved, I said out loud, “I want a wolf.”

Oops!

Then I did an exceedingly dumb thing. I started pretending a little fantasy before bed for 3 or 4 nights running. It was just a made up story in my head that made me feel good and was fun to do before drifting off to sleep.

The fantasy was me teaching classes somewhere, staying in the home of a person hosting me there, and this guy showing up early because he had read my work and wanted to get to know me better. I was really busy, but wanted to get to know him as well. So I asked that he just sit near me while I worked.

When we were in one another’s energy fields sitting side by side, it was allowing the two of us to “communicate” on a different level. We were getting to KNOW one another without words, without affection, just basking in one another’s radiance. Whoever he was, it felt fabulous to be in his presence. And I would drift off to sleep. Just so ya know, most of my romantic ideas are completely PG. It cracks me up some times how romantic it is and not more.

Anyway, by the third day of this, in my head we had spent the day together sightseeing and were now lying side by side holding hands. I brought his hand up (still holding it) to rest on my chest. Like placing the back of his hand right next to my heart. This feeling came over me that I just can’t describe. It was exquisite, full of joy and this quiet feeling of elation.

O.K. now I’ve really gone and done it.

I didn’t now I was “calling in” anyone. I was just playing a stupid game of make believe as a seemingly harmless form of entertainment.

One should never do such things at the level of vibration I am. Especially if one is serious about not wanting a relationship. Because after that, there is basically no turning back.

Next thing I know this guy shows up out of nowhere.

For a couple of years now several of my friends have been saying that someone was coming my way. I just didn’t see it. I didn’t feel it as being true and I didn’t believe there was anyone that would really be the “right” guy. And I really couldn’t believe anyone living in the local area would be someone I would find even remotely interesting. I’m a world traveler, an engineer, and a bestselling author. My view of the world and beliefs are vastly different than most, particularly people in the bible belt. I had decided they just all thought I deserved a great guy. Friends want friends to be happy. What I concluded that they didn’t understand was that I was already happy.

Anyway, I saw him coming from 3 states away and it freaked me out a bit. It takes a lot to get me bent out of shape, but it was becoming obvious that this guy was heading in this direction and it made me nervous. I had no idea why.

I had plans to go away on a writer’s retreat while Jess was away in Canada, but those plans fell through just a couple of days before they were to start. I was kind of disappointed, but when I tuned in about changing plans and going somewhere else to write, I got that something had shifted and to just watch and see how things unfold.

This guy and I have been traveling similar circles for many years. For probably 15 years, we lived in close proximity and never once crossed paths. I had heard his name before, but I’m not sure he knew who I was or had ever heard of me.

But a friend got us connected through Facebook and we shared a few private messages. Then I noticed him posting things first in one location and then another. Next thing I know he’s only 3 hours away. I literally sent him a message saying “what are you doing?” It was almost confrontational like “what the heck are you up to, you aren’t supposed to be heading this way.” Its all pretty comical about now. He said he was visiting relatives and I forgot all about it.

A few days later I got an invitation for coffee. O.K. I wasn’t looking (consciously anyway) and I hadn’t had a date in 3 years. Why was I nervous? I think the answer is because I could feel what was happening on some level long before my brain figured things out.

Time flew past as we shared stories with one another, laughed all the while about the places we’d lived and things we’d done, never once meeting. Later the same day there was an invitation for drinks. We enjoyed wine and cheesecake and many more stories. After a few hours of great conversation and laughter, the venue turned up the music volume for the party crowd and I asked if he would sit beside me because I couldn’t hear what he was saying.

Bad move. (kidding)

So there we were sitting next to one another – very reminiscent of my little fantasy about being next to some very special guy and having communication happening on many levels. And then somewhere in the middle of wine and cheesecake, we kissed. I’ll probably never be the same ever again!

It was like every cell in my body ignited – holy smokes batman. Oh no, its like that intensely passionate wolf thing. I really never saw this coming.

I never thought I would date again. I certainly never expected this guy to show up and I never thought I would ever feel like this.

Sometime several days later we were lying next to one another holding hands, the back of his hand against my chest, and I realized I was feeling exactly how I felt when I saw/felt that in my imagination.

There are lots of ways to look at all this.

Did I force it? Was it some sort of hocus pocus manipulation on my part?

I don’t think so.

He is an extraordinary guy and he is who he is. I think he was there, the energy was there, the potential was there, long before I ever played these imaginary games. I think the mind game just aligned me with the possibility and going into the feeling of that allowed it to become part of my reality.

When you:

  • know who you are,
  • are in complete alignment with your Soul (or higher self or the Divine),
  • are living your passion,
  • have raised your vibration significantly (time in nature helps immensely),
  • have healed the emotional wounding and limiting beliefs in a particular area of your life,

then the slightest little focus in that direction moves mountains.

If you are interested in manifesting your desires, one of the best ways to do so is to get in harmony with what you want. I created the Law of Attraction Kit to help you do just that. Law of Attraction Kit

 

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Your Heart Does Not Sit in Judgment of Others, It Sits in Oneness with Others

(c) David J. Adams

PENDRAGON MEDITATION CIRCLE  29th July 2013

HILARION – THROUGH DAVID J ADAMS

(Audio version available at ….. http://soundcloud.com/david-j-adams/hilarion-29th-july-2013  )

YOUR HEART DOES NOT SIT IN JUDGEMENT OF OTHERS,

IT SITS IN ONENESS WITH OTHERS.

( The circle opens with the sounds of the Tibetan Bowls and the Drum)

Allow the sounds of the bowls and the drum to reverberate deep within your Hearts, drawing forth the energies of Divine Love that are at the essence of your Heart, and allow those energies of Divine Love to flow through every aspect of your Being, filling your physical body, your energy body, your emotional body and your spiritual body with the pure energies of Divine Love.

And as you fill yourself with the energies of Divine Love, allow those energies to flow freely from you, to embrace …

all those within the Circle, to join together with the Divine Love of everyone within the Circle, to create a powerful vibration of Divine Love in the Oneness of all that is, and through your Hearts focus that Oneness energy of Divine Love upon the Earth Planet itself, surrounding it, permeating it, becoming one with the Earth Planet, that ALL may be the vibration of Divine Love.

Greetings Dear Hearts, I am Hilarion.  I thank you for connecting your Love with the whole of the Earth Planet, allowing yourselves to become ‘consciously’ a part of the Oneness of all that is, for it is together in this Oneness that you will begin to create the Earth of the future, an Earth that is not separate and divided, an Earth which lives and breathes in Unity and Oneness, where no individual Being is perceived as less than another, where all are accepted for the Light and the Love they bring to the whole. 

The Light of each individual Being is important to the whole, is valued BY the whole, and valuable TO the whole.  Your Heart does not sit in judgement of others, it sits in Oneness with others, so in the new Earth frequency it is important to focus on your Heart, and to embrace ALL AS ONE.

We recognise that there is still difficulty for Humanity to let go of the judgements of the mind, and to fully embrace the Oneness of the Heart, but this will change progressively as time moves on, so be strong, Dear Hearts, be balanced each day within your Heart and make your choices in life from the Love within your Heart, and you will find the world around you will become more peaceful, more joyful.

It is time for ALL the ‘way showers’ to come together within the energy of Divine Love, and to reach out to all those who need more Light and more Love and more understanding in their lives, and share with them the wisdom within your Hearts, the wisdom of Unity, the wisdom of Oneness.

Each moment, each day, when you first awaken, see the Earth Planet in your mind’s eye as a baby being bathed by the Light of Love within your Hearts, and gift that baby – your new Earth – the full power of the Divine Love that you possess, knowing that as you do this you will be allowing the Earth Planet to grow into its own Oneness, maturing, becoming a source of Divine Love within itself.

Dear Hearts, the future of the Earth is yours to create, do so from the Love in your Hearts.

David J Adams

“Every atom of your Being is a library of wisdom

http://www.dolphinempowerment.com/MarineMeditation.htm

 

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