How to Handle Bullies and Aggressive People in Meetings and Everywhere Else

Handling Bullies and Aggressive People
A friend was recently seeking advice because she had been put into a leadership position and found herself suddenly dealing with aggressive people who were dominating her meetings.
This was some of my advice, “What a great opportunity to practice setting and holding boundaries.
I have tons of experience leading meetings, workers, and projects where I had to learn how to handle bullies and other aggressive people. 
 
If you set an agenda for each meeting, then it is easier to say “we must move on to the next topic.” Sometimes if people simply don’t know how to play nice, then I take one meeting or part of a meeting to teach them. Teach them how to brainstorm, how everyone’s opinion matters and that its fine to debate a topic, but not to be unkind to others in the process.
 
The “bullies on the playground,” as I like to call them, can absolutely ruin a good time. Sometimes all their aggression and domination of a meeting is a little immature child who never felt heard. Acknowledging them, thanking them for their ideas and contributions, etc. can sometimes pacify this immature child within.
 
If it persists, I would talk with them privately outside the meeting and discuss how “aggressive” they seem and if there is a way to tone that down for meetings. Of course you can’t come right out and say aggressive or anything that might turn on that confrontational aspect of the person.
 
Read everything you can about personality types, DISC for example, group dynamics, that sort of thing.
 
My best ally in moments like this is just to stay centered and balanced no matter what and listen for that still small voice within to gently nudge me in the right direction on what to say and do in each now moment. Doing things that way has had absolutely miraculous results. I’ve done some pretty crazy things inside teams and it’s all worked – because it was my gut / intuition inspiring me to do so. For me its about “feeling out” the situation and each person and not so much a figuring it out with my brain.
 
You have to find a way to genuinely like and appreciate all the people, even the ones you wish weren’t part of the meeting.

My first spiritual teacher, Stuart Wilde, had this great technique. You close your eyes before a meeting or situation and you see the person shrinking down to a tiny little person about 1 1/2 inches tall. You see them so small they can run around on your hand. In diminishing their size physically, you are also diminishing their perceived power over you or situations. Instead of a giant monster in the way of joy or productive meetings, they become a comical little silly thing that makes you laugh. It shifts the energy enough to actually make a difference. Nothing has really changed of course, except your opinion about all of it.

Best of luck!”

Bestselling author Debbie Takara Shelor signature

 

 

 

 

It is not always easy to find the “good” in everyone or to genuinely learn to like and appreciate them. Visit this link to read my article about learning to love, honor, and appreciate everyone.

 

Discover the Cause of Much of Your Unhappiness

EnJOY this video where I share with you the reason you find yourself unhappy. I call this the Honeymoon Principle. The video explains what I mean.

 

Powerful Meditation and Manifestation Insights with Bestselling Author D. Takara Shelor

Telesummit Recording Available Below …

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I know you will love the things I share in this recording of my interview for the Living Your Vibrant Life Telesummit including the truly life changing “Stepping into Your True Magnificence” meditation exercise, along with many insights and TONS of inspiration for living Your Vibrant Life that I shared.

I really enjoy being interviewed for telesummits, webinars, and radio. Much like working with private clients or speaking from a stage with a live audience, there is a “connection” that occurs which allows me to just “get out of the way” and let the information flow through me that is exactly what the individual or particular audience needs to hear in the moment.

In this telesummit interview, Tandy Elisala and I discuss some powerful conscious manifestation techniques. I also share insights about ways to turbo boost your meditation practice. I discuss the 4 states of being you want to achieve and the 5 practices I recommend everyone utilize to grow personally and accelerate their spiritual journey.

Just click the link to EnJOY!

Speaking of JOY, that’s the password.

JOY

Click this Link to Listen to the Telesummit Interview Recording Here

 

To learn more about meditation, get my bestselling book: Peering Through the Veil at Amazon. (http://www.magnificentu.com/Meditation)

Bestselling Meditation Book Peering Through the Veil

 

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It’s Time to Shine, Be Magnificent, Connect With Your True Essence Self

Takara1

 

The deeper your connection with nature, the deeper your connection with self!

You were born to be magnificent!

Allowing your light to shine, even in your darkest times, will draw more light to you.

 

 

Step Into Your True Magnificence, Connect With Nature, Shine Your Light

Takara1

 

The deeper your connection with nature, the deeper your connection with self!

You were born to be magnificent!

Allowing your light to shine, even in the darkest times, will draw more light to you.

 

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7 Deadly Sins Takara Style

Below are some quotes for you to enjoy, post on your wall, or share with your friends.

 

7 Deadly Sins Takara Style

 

The 7 Deadly Sins Takara Style.

There are actually 8, but who’s counting? The actual list is this:

  1. Fear
  2. Limiting Beliefs
  3. Judgments
  4. Expectations
  5. Attachments to Outcomes
  6. Shame
  7. Blame
  8. Victimhood

Takara quote

 

Everything that is “wrong” in your life is there because you still have these.

When you learn to love, honor, accept, and appreciate who you are, then you can do the same for others. ~ Debbie Takara Shelor

 

 

Takara Inspirational Quotes

 

You can find things to blame. Or … You can find things to love. What you choose to focus on makes all the difference. ~ Debbie Takara Shelor

Happy, successful people don’t sit around all day pointing fingers. They take actions towards what they want to achieve. And they do it with passion. ~ Debbie Takara Shelor

Happy Successful Quote by Takara

 

These have been  some quotes for you to enjoy, post on your wall, or share with your friends.

For actual articles, visit the Article’s Archive.

Have a deLightful day,

Bestselling author Debbie Takara Shelor signature

 

 

 

 

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Why WordPress Sometimes Kills My Creativity

Grrrr … WordPress is NOT my favorite program. Every other breath a plugin needs to be updated. It “breaks” on a regular basis and takes hours, if not days, to fix what seems like a simple problem.

The box to leave a comment stopped working on my primary website. I FINALLY figured out why. But it took two days to figure it out. It was a conflict of plugins. I had “Social” and it wasn’t letting any comment plugin operate. It wasn’t even letting the default WP comment system operate.

WordPress isn’t new to me. I’ve been using it since 2010. For me its like pulling teeth. Every time there is an update something seems to go wrong. There are so many bells and whistles that this thing doesn’t know what that thing is doing. I know there need to be updates, etc. But it bugs the crap out of me when it takes hours and hours to fix a problem that wasn’t a problem yesterday. Having to read through forums and try a million things is a waste of my time. And that is what I don’t like. I have tons to do. Spending hours fixing a WP problem seems to happen at least every 6 months or so. I rarely get bent out of shape over things, but WP … that one makes me want to shoot the computer sometimes.

And that’s why I say it kills my creativity. I’d rather be creating new things than trying to troubleshoot something that recently was working just fine.

I’ve been designing websites since 1996. Talk about old school. I’ve used lots of different software to do so. And then more recently, I’ve worked a lot with Blogger and various social media platforms. None of those things ever have these issues. Its sometimes a challenge to get one of these things to do what you want. But once you have it figured out, it tends to stay that way.

WP is just this goofy thing that works one way one time and then it doesn’t work like that any more. An update made this not work. Or a plugin is suddenly incompatible. You have to do something else entirely to get what you already had working. That’s why its my least favorite platform. Too often I have to spend hours fixing something that wasn’t broken yesterday.

How about you?

Do you love it or does it drive you batty too?

 

Have a great day,

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Who Is In Your Inner Circle?

InnerCircleSm

 

Who’s in your inner circle?

“They need to love, honor, accept, & appreciate you for who you are. Otherwise, they don’t belong there!” ~ Debbie Takara Shelor

 

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When WordPress and Other Blogs Load Too Slow or Not at All

Wordpress Site Loading Slow

I was recently visiting a friend’s blog and the page just wouldn’t load. It took FOREVER to show up on my screen after I entered the URL. I sent her a message letting her know about the problem and offered some advice on some things to look for in order to fix it.

People only spend seconds on a new website. If it doesn’t load fast enough, they are gone – typically forever.

I thought my readers might want to know things to check if their site isn’t loading properly or fast enough. These apply to WordPress specifically, but some are fairly Universal words of wisdom in web design and maintenance.

The main reason most websites don’t load quickly is the size of the images in the background, the header, the navigation or side bars, or in actual posts. Before uploading an image to WordPress, or any site online, it needs to be “compressed” for the web. Most photo or graphics design software has a built-in way to do this quite easily. You want the image to be less than 60k. Most of mine are. A few are more, but the lower the better. You can compress an image both in dimensions (which radically changes the size of the file) and the dpi.

Photoshop has a built-in method during export. You can “save for the web” and it gives you options. Pretty simple and fast once you’ve done it a few times. There are also many free sites online that you can upload your photo to and it will spit out a compressed image for you to use.

Another big loading issue is with 3rd party applications that pull from another site. Any widget you’ve added that you pasted in an html code, is subject to problems. Things like autoresponder forms, Adsense and other ads, online translators, etc. can have loading issues and cause the whole page to not load properly.

I’ve heard lots of people complaining about the latest WordPress update. I haven’t actually updated mine yet because of that. If you did do the new WordPress update, and if your site loads slow from multiple browsers and multiple people’s computers, you might want to go back to the previous version. Before doing something this drastic, I would have numerous friends check the site from their computer or phone – making sure that different parts of the country, or world, different browsers, and different internet providers are being used.

Sometimes hang ups like that are due to an incompatible plugin. Check your plugins to see if they need updating. If not, turn them off one by one to see if you can find the one that is causing things to load slowly. Or, alternately, turn them all off and turn them back on one by one, checking the site load time as you go.

Sometimes a plugin is incompatible with particular browser updates. Sometimes the plugin incompatibility isn’t with WordPress, but with the browser itself.

If you’ve discovered the plugin having problems using the turn them on or off one by one method above, or recently added a new plugin, google the name of it with the word “issue” or “problem” behind the name. You will often find forums where they are discussing compatibility issues and, if you are lucky, ways to solve the problem.

An even bigger issue can happen when a WordPress theme itself is no longer compatible with the latest version of a browser or the latest version of WordPress. We spend so much time choosing just the right theme, but when browsers or WordPress has an update, not all the bells and whistles on all the themes work any more.

I have four different browsers on my main computer and occasionally check my websites by browsing from each one. You would be amazed at how different your site looks browser to browser. It’s especially good to do this in the designing phases of web development.  The four browsers I use are: Firefox, Chrome, Internet Explorer, and Safari.  For normal browsing, I tend to prefer Firefox or Chrome. But for this check, since so many people also use the other two, I check them all.

Hopefully, if you are having trouble with your site not loading properly or not loading quickly enough, these insights will be of great benefit.

Have a great day,

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Align with the Divine

Debbie Takara Shelor quote

 

“When you can tap into your own magnificence, align with the Divine, and stay in perpetual flow with the Universe, miraculous things happen.” ~ Debbie Takara Shelor

 

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