Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Lasting Friendships and Romantic Relationships Require Courage, Commitment, and a Fair Bit of Confidence


Growing and evolving into the person you want to be - the Magnificent U - requires that you "get real" with yourself and everyone else in your life. You learn to be authentic, honest, genuine, and real. That comes with a price though. That price is called vulnerability.

It takes courage, commitment, and a fair bit of confidence to speak about things that really matter. But being brutally honest without taking into consideration the potential emotional damage your words might cause to the "other" is selfish, unkind, and uncaring.

Speak honestly and truthfully with others - at all times. But do it as kindly and gently as possible - particularly when talking about things ...
that the other person might take wrong or personally.

People, for the most part, don't do well with criticism or having uncomfortable situations and conversation. They would prefer to avoid things like that.

When criticized, they often move into attack mode. Words that feel like finger pointing and accusations ruffle their feathers and they throw up the emotional armor shields, enter fight or flight mode, and get ready with angry words and fists on occasion.

However, the emotionally mature person, who is coming from a place of genuine love and appreciation of the person and deeply values the relationship, is not afraid to have uncomfortable conversations. They know that love and truth take relationships to a deeper place and they feel its worth it to get to the other side of whatever is temporarily uncomfortable in order to have something more meaningful and magnificent in the end.

Amazing things happen when you muster up the courage to talk openly, honestly, and kindly about mis-understandings or other issues that open you up to the potential of feeling rejected by the other person.. My willingness to do that has allowed me to develop and keep many deep and wonderful friendships.

When you can remain calm, clear, confident, and connected (the things I teach you how to achieve and maintain), you have an inner knowing about what to say, when to say it, and how to say it. Instead of reacting automatically with anger or sadness to the words or actions of another, you stay in neutral and respond with love. It definitely takes courage. But WOW is it worth it!

When you come from a place of truly loving and caring about another person and their feelings, and are willing to risk getting hurt yourself because of any potential backlash they might throw your way, they can feel that love and appreciation. And they do respond to it.

Everyone wants to feel loved, honored, accepted and appreciated for who they are.

Be the kind of friend or romantic partner you desire to have in your life.

Have a deLightful day,







Return to the Magnificent U home page.

14 comments:

  1. I agree with this completely. Communication is key. When ever there is a problem you should always talk about it calmly and try to resolve things head on without attacking. If you keep your feelings to yourself you then end up resenting one another and that's not good. Making a relationship also requires commitment like you said! Thanks for sharing!

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    1. I find that if I know the end I have in mind, which is typically that we end up with an ever deeper and more loving relationship (whether it be romantic or friendship in nature), that I say things that help us get to that place. Attacking and making someone wrong are never the way to achieve such an end. When you remember that you truly do love this person and feel blessed by having them in your life, how to approach various topics become much easier.

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  2. I lean toward thinking that you cannot have truly open communication without vulnerability. That ties strongly to trust, as well. I know my past relationships have suffered from a lack of deep honest communication. I am looking forward to cultivating this aspect of relationships more and more in the future. Thanks for the post!

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    1. You are very welcome. I believe that the ability to communication well is one of the most important skills that everyone needs to master. Its the foundation of everything else.

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  3. Great post. Learning to communicate your feelings with others in a positive and constructive way is very important for everyone who is involved. Be kind and compassionate. We also need to be good listeners. Even though you may not understand someone's feeling does not mean they are not real to that person. Accepting each other for who we are is key to building lasting and true relationships.

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  4. Yes, I believe communication is key. One must also be a good listener. It's not always easy to understand the other person but that does not mean they don't have reason for feeling as they do. If only people would take the time to sit down and talk rather than pretend there is no problem. You've shared some wonderful options. Thank you. :)

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  5. I am a long-term friend and I have best friends since I was a teenager, back in Europe. Yet, I have to admit, it was incredibly hard to make American friends for the last ten years since I live in the US. Most people I met were emotionally isolated and very cautious to invest in a friendship. It's probably a cultural difference. I found it easier to make friends with Asian people than with Americans.

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    1. Simona - I know what you mean about it being hard to make friends. I've lived all over the U.S. and even in some locations internationally. Some places are simply much more friendly than others. I found it very easy to make friends in Santa Fe, NM, Portland, OR, and San Diego, CA. However, in Virginia and Pennsylvania, it took a great deal longer. Also, there are locations where the population has not traveled very much, have large extended families, and therefore kind of "stick to their own." Those communities can be much harder than in others where people relocate often. Attending events around things you are interested in is often a good way to make friends since you all have something in common to talk about.

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  6. It is sometimes difficult to fully open up to a good friend no matter how long you've known them. There are some things that are just too personal. If there's an issue between the both of you, I think communicating and sharing your thoughts and feelings in a non-threatening environment is a good step for reaching resolution.

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  7. "Amazing things happen when you muster up the courage to talk openly, honestly, and kindly about mis-understandings or other issues that open you up to the potential of feeling rejected by the other person."
    Courage is important, as I try to reflect on what I am about to say in a critical situation I try to select the best words to use in the most kind way. Great advice Takara

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  8. Nice post, I love the idea of being kind and compassionate in open communication.

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  9. I don't show too much of my vulnerable side in relationships. It is hard to fully trust someone

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  10. Glad that you mentioned "kindness" with the "open and honesty" conversations. There is so much that can be said and received if the person presents it gently and with a kind heart. Nice post!

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